I'M NOT HERE | s.stan

026. sparks

I looked at the snow falling as I sat on the cold, steel chair. The rest of the group was out either skiing or snowboarding. Tiffany and Josh went to go and get food. It was boring for me, as I didn't know how to snowboard nor ski. I contemplated whether or not I should have even came on this trip, or if I should just leave early. All I've done was cause tension and drama.

"Hey, do you want some coffee?" Josh asks, lightly jogging over to me. He rests his hand on my shoulder as he talked to me. I shake my head and smile, "Hot chocolate would be nice."

Josh nods a little and returns the smile. And his hand lingers for a moment, before slowly retracting it and jogging back. Sebastian and Joane come back from snowboarding an hour later, while the three of us were enjoying the relatively cheap but good food. "We had so much fun!" Joane says, jumping on Sebastian's back. Tiffany gives me a look, but I ignore it anyway. She rolls her eyes, not at me, but at them.

I hated knowing that none of this was real, that our relationship was just a sham. It was just a way to get to who we actually loved. But it didn't feel right.

"Sebastian." I say suddenly, "Can we talk?" Joane watched as I took his hand and snatched him away, the smile still on her face.

"We're done." I say, once we got to a secluded area. "What? Why?" He asks, frantic confusion and panic spread to his face. "Josh likes me. Joane definitely likes you. I think we're okay."

Sebastian keeps his hand intertwined with mine, even when I tried to take it back. "But if we break up now, it will be weird, right? They've only known that we have been dating for what - two weeks?"

I furrow my brows and smirk, "Didn't you date that chick from Miami for only a week? What's her name, Margarita?"

He rolls his eyes and smiles, "She was annoying me, it's not the same."

"But this isn't even real!" I exclaim, hands in my hair out of frustration. "I can't keep doing this. Josh likes me, Sebastian. It's so fucking obvious."

He sighs, but his gaze never leaves me. "Does that bother you? That this isn't real?"

"What? N-no, of course not!" I was very defensive. He purses his lips and nods once. "Good. Then we keep it up. Unless you're afraid?" He asks. He was challenging me.

"Fine. After this trip, we're done."

"So what was that all about?" Tiffany asks me once Sebastian and I get back and we part ways. I shrug, "Just...talking about some things." She narrows her eyes at me. "Okay.." She replies, unsure if she should believe me or not. "What?" I ask, laughing a bit at her unease. She shakes her head, "Nothing." Tiff tells me. "Nothing."

"Guys!" Josh runs to us, excitement evident in his eyes. "Let's go get waffles!" He was like a little child, and he could be so innocent sometimes. He grabs my hands, so warm. I wasn't sure if I was blushing because I was cold, or because I was touching him.