I'M NOT HERE | s.stan

34. lunchbox friends

I smile and wave at Sebastian as he held my sister by the waist. I can't remember the last time I felt jealous of my sister. I always thought she had a life that was sadder than mine. The only times where I actually felt envy was when our parents would let her do anything, it was obvious she was the favorite child. Everyone could see it.

Apart from that, though, I don't think I've ever been jealous anymore. But this was one of those times where my heart was about to burst out of my chest in pure agony and jealousy. Joane called me for lunch the very next morning after what happened in the car. Sure, I felt a strong sense of guilt like I always do, but it wasn't out of the ordinary.

It was until after she tried to peck Sebastian on the lips, and him turning away. I saw her face, she looked confused and disappointed. Before she could react, though, he looked at me with worried eyes. And I think she noticed.

But I was the paranoid sibling, usually. And Joane was the carefree one. If you were the paranoid sibling, always scared of everything, had mild OCD and anxiety, and you were just nervous all the time, then you notice everything. You notice when people change, how their attitudes can sometimes shift in the slightest way. If you were the paranoid sibling, you would know how people felt in an instant.

"Hey, Kat!" Joane greeted me, and I could almost feel the tension in the air again. Not from her - from Sebastian. Joane was fine, she was more than fine. She was excited to see us.

She held on to his arm and I wanted to yank the two apart, I almost did.

I grit my teeth and forced a smile on my face. "Let's go!" I ushered them into the cinema. We were going to watch the new Star Wars movie. From what I'd heard, Joane wanted to go on a date with Sebastian, but he wanted to bring me along for some reason. I felt obligated to go, but in all honesty, I just wanted to see him. But then, Joane had the daisy-fresh idea of calling Josh along as well. Josh jogged to us, two boxes of popcorn in his hand, and a couple of drinks in the other. Sebastian gives me a look.

I was seated between Sebastian and Josh, who immediately grabbed my hand and started munching on the popcorn. Sebastian's eye darted to our hands, but he couldn't do or say anything. Neither could I.

We were halfway through the movie, and Josh had his arm around me, while Joane made herself comfortable in Sebastian's arms.

Sebastian: hey

Me: yea?

Sebastian: i miss you

I scoff and turn to look at him. He was right next to me, yet he texted me. "Seriously?" I whisper, he just giggles and shushes me. "What are you two whispering about?" Joane perks up her head, smirking. I shrug, "It's a secret, sis."

"Guys! Watch the movie." Josh interrupts, but he had a smile on his face. His arm held me tighter as he kissed me neck, making me gasp in surprise.

I give him a look of bewilderment, but a grin was plastered on my lips. I stare at him in a chagrin manner, and bit down hard on my bottom lip, all while giggling at the same time.

"You good?" He whispers. I nod slowly, staring into his deep, brown eyes.

"Yeah." I reply, almost as breathlessly.

Josh's face inched closer and closer to me, and I waited for the kiss as I closed my eyes.

"Seb?"

I am brought back to reality as I whip my head around to turn to Sebastian. Joane looked confused, but as I looked at Sebastian I understood why. He gripped the seat until his knuckles turned white, and I could tell his jaw was clenched tight his left eye was also twitching, a lot. "Are you good?" Joane asked. When she asked that question, it was as if Sebastian snapped out of his daze.

"Sorry, what?"

"Are you okay?" She asked again, "You look mad." He raises his brows nonchalantly. "I did?" He replies, to which Joane nods.

"Didn't notice at all."