I'M NOT HERE | s.stan

028. pepsi cola

When I was 12, I loved Pepsi. Really. I could never stop drinking in. From when I woke up in the morning, or to when I came back from school in the afternoon, or even in the late hours of the night, there was never 'too much.'

But one day when my parents were out of town and I was home alone, I drank an big bottle in an hour. The whole thing. The next day, I had a stomachache. And I couldn't even look at the red, white and blue cans anymore.

When you have too much of something, you will end up hating it.

That was happening to Sebastian. Under my instructions, he hung out with Joane everyday of the week as much as he could for three weeks. After the third week, he came to me.

"I can't handle it anymore." He said, "I'm sick of her."

I was confused, "But I thought you liked her, come on, stick to the plan. Things are going smoothly with Josh." I tell him. He shakes his head.

"I thought it'd go well too, but all she ever does is go shopping. Or to the mall to do nothing." He was complaining. I grabbed him by the cheeks, cutting him off and shutting him up completely.

"Listen to me, you've liked her for as long as I can remember." It pained me to say that, for some reason. "And you're just going to back out now? After everything? All our efforts will go to waste, and I can't afford that. No fucking way."

He blushed from the close proximity. Then I pulled away.

"Listen, Sebastian," I held up my index and middle finger and brought them together, they were barely touching.

"I'm this close to winning over Josh. He said he was interested in me. Who knows how far this can go?" I caught myself laughing like a maniac just by the thought of being with Josh.

"So you're just going to forget about what I said?" He says suddenly, after a moment on uninterrupted silence. Pure, uninterrupted silence was like a drug to me. I needed it so desperately.

"Forget about what?" I ask, confused. Then it hits me. What he said to me, about him having real feelings for me. Up to this point, it felt like a dream. Like what he said wasn't real. But he did, and his actions had consequences. All of them do.

"About...you and I. I think...I like you too."

I scoff before I could even process what he had said. "So you like both of us? Sebastian, don't be ridiculous! It's not feelings if you have it for both of us, let alone sisters! That's so...wrong!"

He looked hurt after I said that, like a bullet shot straight through his chest, and I was at the end of the barrel.

Of course, I didn't mean to call him a sick fuck, but I did. On accident, that's for sure. But at the time, it felt really good in that moment of anger and fury.

"I'm sorry I didn't - I didn't mean it like that."

He holds his hand up. "It's fine. Forget it, forget this ever happened. We can break up now, if you want. I'll tell Joane, you tell Josh."

Sebastian leaves the room without a word, and without ever looking back at me.