I'M NOT HERE | s.stan

039. the mystery of love

sebastian's point of view.

"do you love me or do you not?"

Sebastian had never thought about saying those words, ever. Not once did he have to ask for a confirmation of love in his 37 years of life. Then again, he didn't really expect himself to fall in love with Katherine Hargrove.
The girl he used to see as his little sister. A tiny, pocket-sized girl who always looked up at him with her big, blue eyes when they were younger. He always loved her, but only now was he in love with her. They weren't close at all, but a part of him wanted to be. He wanted to protect, and he wanted her to need him. Now, it's the other way around.

He found himself asking her those questions. And she took a long time to answer, and if she waited any longer he might have started crying like she did.

"I do, but-"

Then, he kissed her. He grabbed her by the arms and kissed her deeply, Sebastian didn't have any clue as to why he thought of doing that, but something in his heart wanted to.

"That's all you have to say, Kay." He whispers, looking into the same big, blue eyes he had known for almost all of his life.

"I love you. And I don't care what happens, I just want you to know that I want you. Only you." He had so much more to say, but the tears in her eyes made him stop.

Sebastian couldn't believe that it was the same girl he grew up with. The same little crybaby that had to be protected by bullies. Now, he saw her as someone he'd want to spend the rest of his life with. It surprised him so much because he fell in love her so soon, so fast. All those feelings he had for Joane had to develop over the years, but within a few weeks, those same feelings came crashing down into his heart because of Kay.

She made his knees weak, his lip quiver and his heart skip more than one beat.

"Okay," she says, "I'm tired of running from my feelings." She adds in a small giggle that made him melt. "If we are going to be together, then we have to tell the other two..I don't want to leave them hanging."

Sebastian nods, "Today? Or when?"

She sighs, "As soon as possible, so yeah. I'll tell Josh. You...tell Joane. I can't even look at her right now, because I feel terrible. But, it can't be helped, right?"

-

So now, Kay was off on her own again, walking to Josh's house, which wasn't too far from Seb's. It's not like they would notice because neither of them liked each other enough to find out where they were living. Kay only knew because she had made an intricate map for herself to avoid anyone she knew at one point, but that's another story for another time.

She knocked on Josh's door, hands shaking. But she did it anyways. He answered, a bright smile on his happy-go-lucky face as always.

"Oh! Kay? What's up?" He asks, the smile was still very evident and it only seemed to brighten at the sight of her. She felt terrible because Kay knew it was her fault that his smile would soon disappear because of her.

"Can we talk?" She says, quiet and monotone. Josh knew her inside and out, and he knew when something was wrong. "Oh, sure."

They sat down on his bed, and she couldn't dare look at his face. "I...don't know how to start."

"Start from the beginning?" He suggests with a subtle shrug of his shoulders. Kay took a deep breath, she had been wanting to say this for a while now.

So, she did start from the beginning, from the trip to Seattle that started it all, to the motels, the face masks, and the plan. Josh was emotionless for every bit of the story, only returning nods here and there to let her know she had his full attention and was listening to everything she had to say.