Sweater Guy and Cubicle Girl

Anti-Corey

It was just a regular morning, I came out of my room to get some breakfast and Corey was already in the kitchen cooking. Something about him had been different lately though. He was always kind and wonderful and sweet and he baked amazing things on basically a daily but lately its been even more. He's like a literal angel, he's been extremely happy and almost jolly. I loved how he was always the sweetest guy and the world and I loved him even more how he was now. When he saw me he asked with a big smile, "What do you want for breakfast? I made pancakes but I already ate them but I can make more if you want...or waffles or eggs or crepes, I don't even know what crepes are but I can learn how to make them!"

"Awe no thanks, I think I'm just gonna make cereal."

"Kay!" He said happily. Then he started to eat some of the cupcakes he had made the day before. He always says, 'If you call a cupcake a muffin then nobody will judge you for eating a cupcake for breakfast!' He's the best. Something about him just seemed different though. I started to look at him closer and he just giggled at me. He said "What are you doing? Do you need love?" And he hugged me close and kissed me.

"I'm just trying to figure out what's different about you."

"Different?"

"Yeah...hmm..." Then I started to realize what it was and I asked him, "Corey, did you gain weight?"

Then I swear I heard a record scratch sound. His smile disappeared and he dropped the cupcake on the floor. He looked up at me and it looked like he was angry and going to yell but instead when he spoke his voice wavered like he was going to cry, "I don't know" he whined, on the verge of tears. Then he ran away to his room.

I chased after him "Corey! Wait—I didn't mean it in a bad way I was just wondering if that was what was different!!" He slammed the door in my face. 'Damn, I shouldn't have said anything' I thought to myself. I felt really bad that I upset him. He didn't come out of his room for the rest of the day.

For the next few weeks he wasn't really normal Corey. He wasn't eating like normal. He was eating less and actual healthy foods. When I asked him why he said he was dieting. But dieting had a really bad affect on his personality. He began to be less happy and less jolly and more serious and sassy—kinda like Brooks, and he started wearing dark colors. He seemed creepy and angry sometimes, he didn't even break out into song anymore. Soon I noticed he'd lost weight now, and well first of all it didn't suit him he looked like a fucking e-boy and second of all it was weird seeing him eat things like salads, he wasn't Corey anymore he was Anti-Corey. I didn't like it. One time I even asked him of he wanted to go get some ice cream with me and he said no with absolutely zero hesitation. I hated it. I wanted marshmallow Corey back I was sick of Wheat Thin Corey. I tried everything from tempting him with food to forcing body positivity on him and nothing worked. So what did I do? I called the one person that can always snap him out of whatever nonsense he's into: His mother. When I called her she came right away. Once she came in the door she screamed "MY BAYBAY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO YOURE WASTING AWAY" And hugged him and pet him, out of panic she even lifted up his shirt to see his newly flat stomach and screamed at it. She dramatically pretended to pass out onto the sofa saying "YOU'RE KILLING ME LAPOCHKA!!"

They spoke for a while in Russian and then his mother decided she was going to cook something. She used almost everything in our kitchen and made a giant meal. "You will be a good boy and eat!" She yelled at him shoving him to the table.

He reluctantly began to eat and I tried to thank her but she shoved me to the table too and said "You better eat too little girl, you're a bird!!"

"A bird?"

"She means you have a bird legs because you're so skinny" Said Corey, now willingly stuffing his face. I guess even Anti-Corey isn't immune to his mothers cooking.

"Okay okay! I'll eat too" I said sitting down.

"Corey what the hell is wrong with you?" His mother asked.

"Nothinggggg" He said.

"I asked him if he gained weight and he freaked out and started dieting" I explained to her.

"Constantín!! That's crazy. Very stupid of you. She didn't mean it like you have to diet she was just making an oms-ber-bation"

"Observation?" He said.

"Whatever!" She said frustrated, "Now you have to eat the veggies too!" and she smacked him in the back of the head.

"Damn"

"Corey you gotta start eating again, you've turned into like a Anti-Corey" I said, trying to reason with him.

"Lots of food means happy healthy child, little food means angry unhealthy child, its simple." His mother explained.

"Corey, I want you to know I don't care what you look like I just want you to be you and do what's best for yourself."

He blushed but since he was still Anti-Corey he didn't say anything sweet back. I could tell what we were saying was actually getting to him.

"So when are you getting married?" His mother asked.

"Geez mom we just started dating!" He said, giggling.

"Okay okay fine i'll be patient." She said.

After that Corey was his regular self again. I missed him a lot and I was so happy to have him back.