Sweater Guy and Cubicle Girl

Office Christmas Party

It is a well know fact that I absolutely hate office parties. Corey was starting to hate them too because of one thing: Johnathan. John is our bitchy, annoying, stuck up, snobby coworker who is always put in charge of the parties. He acts as if they're these big classy events that are the most important thing in the world. During the morning before the Christmas party I woke up a little earlier and got all ready so I could have some time to help Corey finish the cupcakes we were working on the night before. I went to the living room to find him, thinking he had woken up before me because he wasn't in bed. But, what I saw on the couch explained it all. Corey was still sleeping all sprawled out on the sofa with a half-eaten tin of Danish butter cookies sitting on his chest. I laughed at how cute he was and I wanted to leave him there but I had to wake him up so we weren't late. I moved the tin and started poking his face, "Correeyyyy wake up"

"Nooo..." he mumbled. "Too early."

"We have to finish our cupcakes for the party. We didn't ice them."

"Huh?"

"The cupcakes. Remember? For the Christmas party?"

"Wha—oh... cupcake..." his eyes were still closed and he was drifting off again.

"COREY GET THE FUCK UP!" I screamed and yanked his arm until he tumbled off the couch. He stumbled to the kitchen and started to finish the icing. "Do you need help?" I asked.

"No no I got it." He never once opened his eyes and was dropping things everywhere because he was still half asleep. And yet, the cupcakes came out perfect. After fixing the icing he got ready for work and we left.

As soon as we got to work, Corey fell asleep at his desk and was snoring much too loud for a quiet, small, office space. I was about to go over to his desk to wake him up but Johnathan beat me to it. "Um hello? Mr. IT man I have an issue"

Corey groaned and got up, "what? what? What the hell do you want?"

"Wow, bold of you to speak to your superior with so much attitude."

"You're not my fucking boss John, NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

"The copier isn't working, isn't that your job to fix it?"

"Technically my job is to help with computer stuff but yes I suppose I can take a look at the copier if it'll please yOuR rOyAl HiGnEsS."

"Shush. Just fix the copier."

Corey went and took a half-assed inspection of it and then said, "its busted. When's the potluck? I'm starving."

"Oh just like you to only be thinking about your next meal."

"Johnathan. I swear to gawd if you say one more thing about my weight I will fucking shove your face into the copy machine."

"Violence has no role in the workplace, you immature fool."

Corey's face was tomato red and he was absolutely heated so I took that as my cue to go calm him down. "Hey Corey, I have a computer problem, won't you come help me?" I said.

He quickly came over and John just rolled his eyes. "What's up?" he asked.

"Oh nothing actually, I just thought you needed some space from John. I know he can be a total ass sometimes."

"Yeah, thanks."

"So you're excited for the potluck huh? I bet everyone will love the cupcakes we made."

"I hope so. I'm happy John let us have a potluck this time, since you know all his parties absolutely suck so the food will redeem it."

"Yeah. I heard Mary made brownies again."