Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 2 ✨

✨Changes✨

Sometimes, when it's already dark outside  and I can't sleep, I go for a walk. I like the night a lot. I don't need to wear my mask, because in the darkness no one will recognize me anyways.

I like the city at night, it's so sleepy and peaceful. And although I'm alone, I don't feel lonely. It helps me to go through the streets, forgetting who I am, where I am. Just forgetting everything around me. Maybe the future will be better.
I sighed.

I hope so.

Maybe I don't have to worry about every step I take, that it might be another mistake and there will be the haters, the band members and JYP, scolding me.

I mean of course it's easy to Chan for example. He's the leader, everyone loves him and adores him. He's working so much, so hard for us and for his fans. And I can do nothing. I know I'm not the best dancer or the best singer. I can only be the mom, like everyone wants me to be.

But why nobody appreciates me like the others? It kinda feels like I'm not even a real part of Stray Kids. But the others don't care. They know how much comments are written by Haters, against me. And they are only telling me about it. I still remember the last comment, I can remember Changbin's face when he said
"Hey Woojin, fans are still saying your dance is awful"
Or Jisung's when he told me
"You need to practice more. You need to sing better. Listen: 'Woojin is ruining the team. He doesn't get the high notes he needs to sing.' That's another comment. Should I read out more? When the hell do you get it?"

Don't they have any feelings? Isn't it brutally cold to tell your friend that everyone hates him? Not caring about the pain and the tears and the sobs and the wounds, they'd leave. And there are enough.

And at the beginning they all were so nice to me and to anybody else. They were so friendly, not even daring to hurt the others. They didn't even dare to kill a fly. And now it all changed. Because they are killing my emotions, my soul.

But I learned something. Because there needs to be something, that makes the loveliest people turn to killers. There must be something like poison, like a drug, so people can forget their surroundings, forget their past and other people. A drug that you're addicted to, and it makes you feel so good that you want more. You want more of it and do everything to get your will, even if the mission is to kill. Because it makes you forget the problems, it makes you forget everything else, it makes you forget yourself.

And it's called fame.

The fame we want, we need changed us like that. And that's the reason why we need to be so perfect, because we need more, and more, and more of it. And there can't be an "enough". We can't reach the limit. And we even won't, when everyone, every single person on this world knows our names. Even then it will be the same fight like now. We will destroy ourselves and try to be perfect. And in the end... for nothing...

I turn around and look at the dark streets again. I need to go back home, to the others. It's already late and I need to sleep, so I won't fail tomorrow. I start walking back. The whole street is empty, nobody could see me. I sighed again.

When I arrive at the dorm I go straight to my room. Chan still isn't here...