Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 17 ❄️

❄️To build a home❄️

I don't know what I should do. I just don't know it anymore. I wanted the others, all the members to feel alright. It wasn't perfect, but it was okay when only I was feeling bad. Everything was fine when only I wasn't okay, I should be the one feeling like trash, Felix should be happy. If there needs to be someone who's heart is aching so much, then it should be me. Only me. I mean, I am the one who isn't that much talented, well that's what people say...

Until now I haven't even realized that I'm crying. I can feel the tears burning on my cheeks as I lay down on my bed. It's already 11pm. I want to close my eyes, but it feels like that's impossible right now. My thoughts are too churning. And the tears still can't stop.

So I just put my earphones in and listen to music, while trying to fall asleep futilely. I try to get rid of all my thoughts, of all my worries for almost an hour, but nothing happens.

Then, all of a sudden, someone tapes my shoulder. I flinch for a second, but look at the person now sitting next to me, as I turn the music off. His expression is as worried as mine. He stares at my face and just pulls me into a tight hug.

"Hyung... you cried?"
He asks carefully and quietly. I just stay silent. I guess he has already seen my tears, so...
"Was it because of me?"
And again, I just stay silent. What should I say? I mean it's just because I'm worried, but I can't tell him that, the problem is that I also can't lie to him.

"I'm sorry, Lix" I break the silence after a while.
"No Hyung, I should be sorry. Please don't cry because of me, please..."
He's hugging me tighter, patting my back, as my tears are slowly stopping.

"Wow, now you also made our Hyung cry. Good job, Felix!" Another voice was heard. We're both just staring at the person standing in the door frame. Changbin walks in front of us. I can't believe that he really said that... I can't believe that he is that cold and heartless.

"Changbin, stop whatever you're trying" I warn him. But he's only shaking his head and speaks up again.

"I don't understand you, Woojin. Why the hell are you crying because of Felix? All of this is his fault and only his. He doesn't deserve your pity, he doesn't deserve any of this. So why? Why are you like that, huh?"

I've heard enough. Enough to stand up, walk towards him and slap his cheek. I've never done this before, but he really deserved this.

"I think you don't even know what you're saying. And if you do, you're definitely not as smart as I thought."
I've also never said something like this to him or to any member before, but it's true. And when he's not holding back, I'm also not, not even a little bit.

"And now please come with me, Changbin, we're talking about your behavior. Felix you can sleep here today, just try to fall asleep, I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

Felix just nods as Changbin and I leave the room and go to the empty living room. I wait for him to start, but he says nothing, so I ask my questions.

"Why are you like this? What has Felix done to you? Why are you destroying him so much?"

And still he remains silent. For about one minute. Then he clears his throat.
"Uhm... how should I explain this. It's just that... I like him. I really do. But that's the problem, I like him more than I should, more than I'm allowed to.

I had those feelings for him I shouldn't have. Whenever I was with him I felt safe, I felt this love, I felt better. He was my safe place, my home. And that was the big problem. If anybody found out, JYP would kick us out. So I needed to get rid of those feelings. I still need to get rid of them. That's the reason. The reason for everything... I never wanted to hurt him so much, I just thought it would be better like that..."

I need a second to think about this. About all of this. That explains so much...

"Wow. I never thought about that. Listen Changbin, love is often complicated... I know what I'm talking about. But would you really give him up for all of this? Can you give up everything, those feelings, that love, can you give up your safe place, your home? I know that you will feel better if you aren't such an ass to him. Just trust me, okay?"

"But what about the others? What about Stray Kids? What about JYP?"
"When both of you are happy, we all are happy. And don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone" I say.

I wonder how it feels to be with someone and immediately to feel at home...

❄️...❄️
Heyy, it's me again :)
I just wanted to say thank you for 1K reads. I hope you all still enjoy this book. And I'm really sorry that Changbin has to be so mean, but it was important for the plot as you see haha XD

Hope y'all have a nice day/night <3
^^Cya