Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 18 ❄️

❄️Lovely❄️

It got better. So far. Changbin isn't an asshole anymore. He shows much affection and really cares about Felix. Although Felix is still pretty insecure about all of this and Changbin's change all of a sudden, their relationship got better the last few weeks. That makes me kinda happy, it makes me forget the hate I receive everyday. Well, it makes me almost forget that.

But I still can't...

I'm still on Twitter, looking at all those comments against me. They still tell me that I'm the worst dancer, the others are all better than me, I don't hit my high notes correctly, they just don't stop.

Those comments hurt like hell, and they won't just disappear. They won't disappear from Twitter, from the internet and I know too well that they could never just disappear from my mind.

Only twenty minutes ago Seungmin told me that many of our fans want me to sing better, to hit the notes better and that I need to practice more. So now I know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Well, I wanted to check it, I kinda wanted to read that comment, so I looked for it and again I noticed all the hate. I can feel the burden on my heart, it hurts, it aches...

I want to feel free again. I wanna make it out of here. And I know that some day I will, it may take a lot of time, but there is a little spark of hope in me that I can... that the hate will go away, that I will feel freedom, that my heart can beat better again.

"Fuck off, Woojin, why are you here? You can't sing as good as the others, can't dance as good as the others and you can't rap"

Okay, that's enough for today. My heart can't take more pain than that. I go to my room and lay down on my bed. I feel horrible. I want to cry, but I can't. Normally it helps me to cry, but I guess that all those tears are already cried. There aren't any left, so I only can hope that this feeling will go away by itself. I only can hope...

I go to the bathroom and stare at the mirror. Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to look like this? And why do I have to be so weak...

I need something that can relief the pain, right now and I don't care if it's only for a minute. Please... someone, something.

Maybe I should try cutting?
Only one little cut... nobody will notice, then I'm gonna stop, I'm not gonna do more than one. Maybe it will help me, for a minute. Not deep enough to see a scar later, but deep enough to hurt, so it could distract me from the pain in my chest. Common, only one single cut...

"Woojin, what's wrong?"
I was so deep in thought, I didn't even notice Chan coming in. He looks at me with a worried expression on his face before he pulls me in a tight hug and carefully pats my back. I can't hold back anymore, now, when I try to stay strong the tears are streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry, Chan, sorry for being so weak..."
I'm sobbing while he still hugs me.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're not weak, Woojin. It's okay. It will be fine, the hate will disappear, everything will be fine..."

He whispers those comforting words in my ear, while listening to my quiet sobs and just making me feel comfortable.

"I'm there for you"
But I don't wanna annoy him...