Where wounds can heal ~ Woochan

Chapter 26 ❄️

❄️Cry❄️

Chan didn't come back.

After a while I stand up and also walk out of the room. I can't face the pain anymore, I can't face those hurtful words anymore that escape their lips so easily, and I can't face the fact that I'm really alone.

I walk to my room and close the door behind me. The heartache's got worse than ever. The feeling that I'm useless comes back together with all of the pain I've felt before.

He doesn't like me back...
I mean it's obvious, how could someone like him fall in love with me? He's so perfect and I'm... I'm not like him.

Chan is a great person, he's wonderful. He could have everybody. There are a thousand of people who would be the happiest when they only see him. And there are millions who want to date him. I understand though, his songs are full of love, he's full of talents, unlike me...

And I was the person he kissed. I was the one who felt his soft lips on mine and it made me feel so good, I'd never had that feeling before.

But my happiness disappeared quickly, it has gone away when Chan walked out of the room, so now I'm left alone with sadness again.

People tell me they hate me. They tell me I don't have any talents at all, I'm nothing special, I'm the worst. They tell me I'm still a burden to the other members. And I seriously feel like that.

They say I'm useless, I'm not like the others, I'm not a real part of Stray Kids.
They say I should fuck off, I should get kicked out, I should die...

What if they are right?

If I kill myself now, I won't be hurt anymore, I won't feel like shit anymore and I won't cry anymore. The death is the only stranger you can trust, the only one who wipes your tears away successfully and makes you feel better permanently. Because you will not feel worse, you will not feel bad, you will not feel anything.

As if I'm trapped in a trance state, I walk to the bathroom. The only thing I can think about is how to make it all go away, how to make them all go away...

So I take my sleeping pills. Not one, how I'm supposed to, I take them all, there are only seven left to be exact. I hope that's enough to numb the pain forever and...

to make all the others happy.

I immediately feel dizzy, the heartache fades away in a way it never did before. At last I feel redeemed, I feel free. It's like all my problems escape my mind, and all the pain escapes my body and my heart. I can let go of it. That's the end of the torture, it's the end of it all.

There's no chance to do the wrong thing again, there's no chance to make the other members feel bad because of me...

My sight gets blurry before my feet feel like jelly and I fall to the ground.

All of a sudden I feel empty, I don't feel redeemed or free anymore, I can't feel anything at all. Just like my feelings have gone away a minute ago. It's like my soul has already left my body.

And not even one minute later I'm falling. I'm falling deep down into nothing, nobody wants to help me though I'm screaming. There's not a single person, there's no Chan. And there's never been a Chan. There's never been help or comfort, a "You can do this", an "I love you", there's never been a kiss full of love.

My memories fade away, I can barely remember the kiss, the hate, the band members, Chan...

And I'm falling deeper and deeper before everything disappears again, because someone whispered a simple "stay".

And I think I didn't need to hear more than that.

❄️...❄️
Hey guys,
I'm so sorry, I didn't forget about this fanfiction but at the moment I suck at writing, so it was very difficult for me to update this :c

Please forgive me<3

Well I also hope you're all doing fine because I care about you^^

Okay that's it I just wanted to apologize because I felt bad for not updating this long:(

^^Cya