with you i'm born again

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Phoebe stood among the sea of doctors awaiting Derek Shepherd's return

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Phoebe stood among the sea of doctors awaiting Derek Shepherd's return. She stood silently next to Karev with a chart under her arm. Alex glanced down at her bored expression and asked, "Cleared for surgery yet?"

"Nope."

"Why not? You don't seem totally nuts."

Phoebe spared him a sarcastic smile, "gee thanks." She tried to ignore his question but his stare remained glued on her.
"If you must know, I don't want to be cleared."

"What?" Alex asked, his shock evident in his face as his voice portrayed the absurdity of her statement.

Slightly embarrassed Phoebe explained in a quieter tone so only he could hear. "I told him I wasn't ready and that I didn't feel comfortable around people that could potentially die right in front of me." Alex's response was to stare at her silently as he took in her response.
"I'm just doing scut work at the minute but hey maybe I'll feel great tomorrow and be back in the operating room." She continued trying to get rid of the tense silence she had created.

"No I get it. Really. I mean, I would never opt myself out of surgery but I get it." Alex tried to reassure.

"Thanks Alex." Phoebe smiled.

"So Avery-"

"Shut it Karev."

A mischievous smile took over his face but his retort was interrupted by loud applause. Their heads turned in time to see Derek take the stairs, getting ready to address the crowd.

"Thank you. Thank you, it is great to be back. First of all I'd like to thank Dr Webber for stepping up in my absence. I'm grateful for all of you, for supporting me in my recovery..."

Phoebe's mind wandered during Derek's speech as her eyes surveyed the crowd. Her mind going back to Derek's first speech as Chief on those same steps, when she'd had Charlie at her side. She shook the memories from her head, holding back the tears that were pushing to fall.  Her eyes stopped when they landed on a specific green eyed surgeon who was wearing a big smile in their chiefs direction, her eyes quickly moved to the petite beauty at his side and her mood seemed to plummet. A brunette Lexie stood at Jackson's side both of them smiling and applauding, looking carefree. Lexie felt the burn of an intense stare and made eye contact with Phoebe before she quickly adverted her eyes back to her brother in law. Phoebe's eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she looked to the man at her side.

"Have you talked to Lexie?" She whispered.

"What?" Alex asked defensively. "Why are you asking me about Lexie?"

"She won't talk to me." Phoebe informed him in a huff, wanting to know what she had done wrong. She simply earned an uninterested shrug from Alex in response.

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