This Feels So Right.

32: Torn.

I sat on the couch, test in hand ready to tell Brian the news as soon as he got home. I heard the door open and it sent my nerves crazy. I couldn't do this! I rushed to hide the test in the first place I could which meant shoving it behind a cushion that sat beside me. But Brian entered the room just as I pulled my hand out.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He walked over and kissed my forehead. "What are you hiding?". He looked over to the cushion I had put the test under.

"I didn't hide anything" I attempted to lie but my tone betrayed me.

"Why are you so nervous? You know you can tell me anything" He tilted my head up so he could look into my eyes.

"I know- it's just-" I couldn't think of what to say so I pulled the test out and handed it to him, hanging my head low.

"What do the two lines mean?" He questioned.

"It means that-" I took a deep breath "that I'm pregnant" the last word was a mumble.

"Pregnant? How? we were always safe" He furrowed his brow. I looked up at him and he shook his head to dismiss what he just said. "Who cares about that, what's important is we're having a baby!" he shouted and took me into his arms. He actually seemed happy with it, unfortunately I couldn't muster the enthusiasm.

"Shakira found the condoms when you tutored her, she put holes in them" I sighed.

"How do you know this?"

"Mia told me" I shrugged.

"Mia knows about us? Does Shakira?" He was worried now.

I shook my head "Mia seen us kissing one day and today when she witnessed me vomiting she told me about the condoms. She's the one who brought me home and I told her everything. Shakira doesn't know anything".

He just nodded then looked at me and frowned "What's the matter? Aren't you happy about this?"

"This is going to complicate everything, Brian" I uttered.

"What do you mean?" He demanded.

What couldn't I be meaning. 'everything' meant EVERYTHING! I studied his face as I gave thought as to how to explain it, even when worried he looked attractive. I loved this man with all my heart so why when I opened my mouth to speak did these words come out: "We can't have a baby together Brian, and we can't do this".

"Can't have a baby? What are you saying? If you're thinking about abortion I won't let you" He told me firmly.

"Not abortion. Everyone is going to ask questions when my stomach grows. I can't risk your career and I can't risk you possibly going to jail over this relationship. I love you but I can't ruin your life like this" I said sterner now. I didn't want to be saying these things but I knew it was for the best.

"I've told you before I'd risk it all for you and I meant it. You said it yourself that this feels right. We are meant to be together" He denied, tears starting to spill onto his cheeks and he turned to face away from me.

I touched his face and moved it so that he was looking at me, both of us were crying. "Us meeting was fate, you becoming my teacher was cruel fate, we should have stopped there. Our relationship was a mistake. Some mistakes are lovable and become better than what was meant to be. I thought this was one of those times but it's not".

"Don't I get a say in all this?" He whispered.

I shook my head "I'm afraid that this is what's for the best. I'm sorry Brian. But this... us, it ends here". I stood up and ran from the house, not giving him a chance to say anything else or to chase after me. It was already hard enough to do this.