Moonchild | KNJ & Reader

Overdose

Your POV

My medicine has got be somewhere in here. Paracetamol, aspirin and just plenty of over the counter medicine in this cupboard. None of them belong to me. I search frantically through the rest of the cupboards, hoping that mine is somewhere in them. Not in this one. Or that one. Morphine. Here it is. I'm surprised to say this but morphine tastes better than most medicines. It's sweet and it doesn't form a bitter paste in your mouth if you take too long to swallow it. I'll just have a few, like how much harm will a few more than prescribed do? I stuff a handful into my mouth and swallow it. Feeling dizzy but wanting more of it, I take the remaining tablets and swallow them too. Something must be wrong in my head, I'm messed up ok. I laugh maniacally, shortly after I woke up, a lot of memories flooded back to me. Too much has happened and I'm afraid to face life again. And that's why I won't. Besides, I'm getting so many hate comments for pulling Namjoon in to trouble and they are all so right. I discreetly put back the empty container back where I found it but take it out again. It would be too obvious. I open out a few packs of paracetamol and put them into my medicine container. That should do. In a few minutes, nothing will matter anymore. Half of you ARMYs don't want me to exist anyways so you can have your wish granted. I stumble out of the bathroom and make my way to our bedroom. Collapsing on to the bed, about ten minutes till Namjoon comes to wake me and one hour till the full effects of the overdose kick in. I begin to fall sleep, or into the Grim Reaper's hands. Even in my sleep, the thoughts won't stop disturbing me. Older bro, I'm coming to you for real this time. I should've come during the shooting but it didn't happen. I swear I'm trying my best to come. I hate it here. Everyone is so negative, always on each other's tails. I hate the negativity, it's like carbon monoxide. I feel like suffocating on it. I'm so stupid for believing my life would actually get better. I'm so so stupid and  hate that! Now that I think about it, Gi you shouldn't have come along either. I should've died right back then. I'm some sort of imposter soulmate, fooling myself and him. I just want to die fast. Another ten minutes later, Namjoon comes in.

"Rise and shine princess!", he shouts cheerily. 

"Morning.", I grumble.

"Oh. You don't look too well. I'll bring you your breakfast here today."

"Okay.", I don't think I can go downstairs so that's good for me.

Namjoon watches me have breakfast, totally unsuspecting. I mean why would he even imagine that his sensible and absolutely reasonable soulmate would overdose because of other people's opinion? He wouldn't and he doesn't. I take as long as I can to finish my cereal, hoping that I'll be senseless by the time he goes to get the medicine but that'll take another fifteen minutes. I look down at the bowl, there's only another spoonful of cereal left. He takes the bowl from me. Quick, think, what should I do?

"So what you up to today?", I ask. 

Keep him in my room longer. I don't want him to get my medicine yet. He'll realise and I don't want him to shout at me as his last words. I want to bathe in his everlasting love for as long as I can. After, even if he realises, it won't matter because I'll be gone. 

"Let me just put this bowl away and get your medicine. Then we can chat. I'll be back.", he responds. 

It doesn't work and he walks out of the room. What should I do?

It's no longer than three minutes before he realises. 

I know that because of this: "Y/N!". A single scream, enough to strike fear in to anyone. 

And it was in his leader voice. There are footsteps, I think the boys heard too. Then there's stomping, up the stairs, coming down the corridor and the door bursts open.

"What do you think you did?!", he screamed. The boys followed behind him. "I'm asking you a question.", he wasn't having it.

"I don't know. I had to.", I was surprised. 

I broke down and began crying. And that did the trick. He melted down too. Ugh! Why did it have to come to this? By the time the ambulance comes, I'll probably slip away. Is the last scene I see one of all the boys sad and angry? Rather unfortunate but only what I deserve. 

"Jungkook, call an ambulance."

"What did you do?"

"I don't know. I really just don't know.", I said quietly.

Namjoon POV

What did she do? Why did she do it? I knew I shouldn't have let the news reach her. But I thought that out of all the strong and sensible people I knew, she came top. I thought she would be able to handle it. As much as I wanted to rage at her and scream at her, I could see it and feel it too. She was broken and anything else would literally mean she would disappear because the pieces she's shattered herself into would become as small as grains of sand. They would fly away with the wind of time. I stayed calm and prayed that this was all a dream. A really bad nightmare that I'd wake up from any time now. Or maybe I'm in sleep paralysis, I'll even accept that as long as this isn't real.

"How many did you have?"

"All of them.", so it's not a dream.

"You'll be okay."

"I won't."

And that pierced my heart. The strongest and most sensible person I knew just said that. She really was broken and I don't think I can mend things like last time.

"Why did you do it?"

"They all hate me and I'll be your downfall. I don't want that to happen so I wanted to end it."

I'd heard that before. Yoongi said it a long time ago and I thought that would be the last person I would have to hear it from. I peered at him. His eyes were glassy. 

"Y/N. Why did you do it? You know you can't let other people get to you.", Yoongi mumbled.

"But they did get to me. I was out yesterday Namjoon. And then... saseangs came and they tried to hurt me but a lady helped me.", her voice faded.

Oh god! Please tell me this is the end of it. How much more of this is there to hear? Her heartbeat was slowing down, I could feel it. But it didn't stop completely this time. She looked like she fell in to a deep deep sleep. The siren of the ambulance meant it was close. Somebody please save her soft soul. I can't do this alone. Why again? It's only been a week since she'd been discharged. It's all happening far too fast.