Moonchild | KNJ & Reader

Too Much To Handle

Namjoon POV

I don't know why I was given such a difficult person. Beautiful but still so difficult to understand. I want to keep her but I'm afraid I'll ruin her. And for that, I hate her.

"Y/N? Are you awake.", I approached her.

"Mhmm.", she nodded her head feebly. 

Too much damage done.

"I might as well say this straight to your face."

I waited for a cue to tell me to keep going but she didn't say anything. I continued anyway.

"You're too much to handle and  I can't take your weight anymore."

"I know what you're trying to say."

"I know you do. I hate you."

"It's okay. I hate you too."

"I'm not joking Y/N. I'm serious. You're too much for me."

"Nah I get it. I had a feeling you would say that one day. I'm difficult and not everyone deserves me.", I acknowledged her words. 

She really meant them and the glare she paired with them stabbed my heart. So it ends like this? A relationship we could have crafted into something so beautiful?

"I've thought about it. I think we should end it."

"Yeah. I'm okay with that.", utter contempt spread across her face.

Anger seeped through me. Why wasn't she reacting? Telling me that she loves me too much to let me go? Why's she agreeing to everything I'm saying? 

And that's when I start shouting, "You really okay with that? Huh? Are you? Let's see how long you can live without me! I'll be able to live without you! But you? Yeah we'll see about that. Let's see when you come up on the headlines, dead, and I'll be the only one to know why.", half the things I said, I didn't mean. But it all came out. And I think it hit her hard because she finally reacted.

"I'm as serious as you are! I'll be able to live without you. And since you don't want me that bad, I'll leave. Just to some place too far away for you to get me back from when you need me."

"I won't need you."

"Then leave. Why you still hanging about for? Go.", she ushered me out. 

And that's how it ends. Something tells me that it all happened to fats. Did I let the heat of the moment to get to me? But my brain keeps rejecting it. This can't be the end. Can it?

Your POV

Stop damn saying that you can live without me. If you can then leave, just leave. Actions have always meant more than words and it's not different here. Leave and show me that you can. I usher him out of my ward. I've had enough of life anyways and if I can do it once then I can do it again. So I get out of my ward and start searching through the medicine drawers for all of the patients. This time I want something so strong that I'm out before you can even have time to regret. I know you hate me, I hate me too. I told you that I'd leave to some place too far away for you to get me back when you need me and I will. I don't have any medicine prescribed so my drawer is empty as expected. I search through the rest of the drawers and if my luck favours me then there'll be some morphine somewhere. Sweet medicine for a sweet death. My thoughts run around. All those memories I have of him and I want more to cherish. But you can't always have everything your way. So I'll take second choice. I find a high dose of morphine and empty out the whole container and sneak them into the pocket of my gown. Running down the corridor and rushing to get to my ward, I almost trip on some wires.

"Watch out young lady.", an old warden called.

"Sorry.", I mutter. 

It's your fault the wires are there old lady. I take the morphine and swallow as many of them as I can. It's an addiction. Like when you're young, you have one sweet and you want more. But it's a dangerous addiction. When my hunger is satisfied, I start a mental countdown. Thirty minutes at best, thirty minutes and I'll finally be gone forever and free from the shackles of life. I hate you I hate you I hate you! I hate me I hate me I hate me! Humans are too difficult to comprehend. There's just way too many variables to consider and that's precisely why science doesn't calculate life. 

Namjoon POV 

Something's not right. Obviously the fact that I've broken up with my soulmate but also something else. Evil thoughts plague my sense. But they're not my thoughts so they must be Y/N's. I ignore them and drive away from the hospital. I'm over her, I have to be. She doesn't want me either. 

"You okay?", Yoongi asks as I walk in.

"Yeah. Everything's absolutely okay.", I say sarcastically.

"I can see the sarcasm. I'm not going to ask, you're going to tell me.", I grab his hand and pull him all the way to my bedroom. 

I lock the door and he takes a seat on the bed. Then I cry. I just cry and cry and cry and keep on crying but I don't feel any lighter whatsoever. Who lied? Who said crying makes you feel better? My mind is cloaked in heavy fog and is stormy. My eyes serve as could where torrents of rain pour down. And my heart, it's just absolutely frozen. I can't feel anything at all. I'm so numb right now.

"Are you going to tell me or should I watch you cry for another hour?"

"I broke up with her.", I mumbled at last.

"You're joking.", he stiffled a laugh, "This is why you're crying?"

"Does it seem like a small matter to you?"

"Uh yeah, it does. I could see it from the beginning. She's difficult and you didn't try and figure her out. This is where it was going to end from the beginning. If I were you, I'd go back to the hospital, now.", as he said that, a crackling heartbeat shot through me. 

Something was wrong on the other end.

"Why should I? I can live without her.", I denied the pain access in to my soul.

"That's why you're totally melting down."

I wipe away my tears and straighten up, "I can live without her. She's just too much too handle."

"And you know what else is too much to handle and for who?", he says.

"What?", I ask.

"The pain and for Y/N.", he mutters and goes away.

The pain? The pain? What pain? Y/N! Y/N! Why can I feel you slipping away again? Y/N! What the hell did you do?! But I have to live without you...