Eternal Spring ~Namjin

The Letter

With trembling hands i open the letter that was left by him on his study table and my heart sank on reading its contents.

Dear Namjoon,

I am sorry for running away like this, I had no other choice I could not see this, all the hard work that you had done for years shattering like glass because of our relationship. I guess being an idol has its perks but honestly, I do not hate you for it or hate the armies because I myself am an army, well if I had not met you and fallen in love with you my reaction would be the same, I would be devastated to find out that you are dating , I would accept it gradually but it would pain me every day that I was not the one and I know that is how millions of armies all over the world are feeling at the moment .They look up to you more than anything in this world, you don't even know how much of an influence you have in our lives, maybe words will never be able to explain it to you.

I know to you and all the other members of BTS, armies are very important, your songs are your gift to us, those words and feelings which sometimes you are unable to express.

At the final concert of Love Yourself , Speak Yourself tour when you broke down while addressing us and said how we saved you and we are the only reason you are living today, all of us just said one thing you saved us Namjoon, how do we explain it to you that you are the reason millions of us survived.Being an army and knowing all this I cannot snatch this bond, this love away from you. I love you Namjoon with all my heart, I do not love the RM of BTS but the Kim Namjoon that hides behind this huge facade, a simple young man who just wants to live his life simply surrounded by his friends, family and people he loves. Yes, I love that Namjoon, I love him with all my heart and that is the reason why I am going away. This Namjoon all he ever dreamed was to write lyrics and make music that healed people, music that transcended barriers of language, music that was the door to one's heart and soul.

You did that, you proved it all, you proved it that if you work hard for your dreams and passion, you can turn them into reality and be successful. You taught this to so many of us and gave us hope and courage to follow our dreams, that is the reason why I, myself could work so hard and fulfill my dream of working with you. But today I realized I had become too selfish; I was so engulfed by my own feelings that I refused to look past them and at what it was resulting into.

I cannot see all your hard work and struggles go down the drain, I cannot see the media spread rumors and gossips about you, I cannot see the antis finding a reason to gibe at you and I definitely cannot see armies breaking down and losing their respect for you. I would never be able to forgive myself for this Joonie, it would tear me apart and I would die a thousand deaths daily.

That is why it is better if I just go away from all this, the fact that you too fell in love with me and loved me with as much honesty as I did, is enough for me to spend the rest of my life, I will spend the rest of my life thinking about the secret getaways to the Han river where we spent the night stargazing, our trips to the namsan tower both of us all covered up with hoodies ,overcoats ,masks and beanies tying a love-lock and praying that our love stays this way. The casual strolls on the streets of Seoul trying our best not to be caught by the dispatch reporters and you holding my hand and gently rubbing your thumb over my palms. I would miss it all but I guess I can learn to live with it because these memories would be enough for me to hold onto a lifetime.

So with this I bid adieu to you and hope that one day this decision will be beneficial for us in the future it will help us achieve our dreams and maybe if our paths do cross again I hope to see you smiling and contented with your life.

With love

-Your Seokjinnie 

And just like that my world came crumbling down , had i lost the love of my life, will i forever be doomed to live with this loneliness? even before i could realize i had tears in my eyes.