Eternal Spring ~Namjin

No More Dream

Namjoon's POV

"Namjoon have you ever asked Jin about his stuttering habit? I have heard that sometimes childhood traumas can result in stuttering and anxiety or it can also be some medical issue but since the two of you are a couple now and seem to be getting pretty close, I think you should confront Jin about it"

Yoongi Hyung's words were ringing in my mind, it had been a week since the concert, Jin meeting all the members and our dinner with them. It was then Yoongi hyung noticed about Jin's habit of stuttering and spoke to me about it, even the day we met Bang PD for dinner everything went smooth enough, PD-nim actually liked Jin a lot and congratulated me for finding someone so understanding and beautiful but what I did notice there too was Jin's constant stuttering.

I knew he was pretty nervous about the dinner and was on the verge of getting an anxiety attack but I reassured him about everything being fine and firmly held his hand throught the dinner. I could still pick up his stuttering and now as I sit on the couch with him in my arms watching a drama, I can't help but think about confronting him about it.

"Jin," I softly said

"Mhmm," he hummed mindlessly his eyes not moving a bit from the television screen.

"I wanted to ask you something," I said and this made him turn his head towards me and look at me with furrowed brows.

"Namjoon, is everything okay?" He asked nervously.

"Yes love, everything is fine I just wanted to ask you something ,I mean I have been thinking over it for a few days and I can't seem to bring myself to ask you about it but the more I neglect it the more I ponder over it and i-"

"Namjoon relax, you know you can ask me anything, we are a couple, aren't we? And that's how all relationships work right!" By being completely transparent with each other, he said cupping my cheeks with his palms.

"How long have you had the habit of stuttering when you are anxious?" I asked and could immediately sense his nervousness as he began to squirm in my hold.

"H-how d-did y-you k-know, I-I a-actually, i-I," I could see his discomfort growing, he avoided looking at me in the eyes and his stuttering getting more prominent, I decided to ease the situation.

"Jin baby look at me , you don't need to be so apprehensive about sharing it with me , you know I will never judge you for it but from what I can see ,I felt maybe it is a part of you or your life that I should know about that is the reason why I asked but if it makes you uneasy then I won't force you," I spoke while softly rubbing circles on his back. He finally looked into my eyes and clearing his throat began speaking.

"I-i was 12 when I first discovered my sexual orientation, and I was terrified because I felt I was different and I will be ostracised for it, my parents will be disappointed. My classmates started making fun of me because of it when they discovered I was gay and I was bullied, I started skipping school and going to a beach next to my school where I sat all day with the sea breeze and waves calming my distressed mind. One day my teacher informed appa and Oemma about it and my parents spoke to me. When I came out to them, I was terrified I thought they will disown me but appa engulfed me in a tight embrace and he started kissing my forehead repeatedly apologising for the fact that I was scared to open up to them and had to suffer so much. Namjoon I cannot even describe how free I felt that day, how the three of us spent the entire evening hugging each other and crying. My parents told me ,being gay does not change anything and it was my choice and they would always support me no matter what , I still remember appa's words –' Jin love is not defined by what gender your partner is and it is certainly not only between man and a woman, it is a feeling an emotion which goes beyond all limitations and restrictions. Also, whoever makes you feel less about yourself, for who you are, never pay attention to them Jin, they are people with shallowest of minds who do not understand the emotions behind the word love which goes beyond the societal rules and regulations. After that day I never felt ashamed of who I am but I was always a shy and reserved kid and my classmates did not stop with the mocks and bullying even when my parents confronted the school authorities, the bullying was reduced but I faced lewd gestures from the boys in my class and incessant jibes, this is why I developed anxiety and stuttering. Things got better when I went to college because everyone was so busy with their own lives, they did not pay heed to others and also, I found Sunghoon there who to like me had faced similar dilemmas throught school life. Even in college because of his outgoing personality he was mocked and disrespected whereas I continued to receive lecherous remarks and ogling eyes of men in my university that kind of expedited my stuttering and anxiety".

I looked at him and I could see tears forming in his eyes and I did what I knew best, I engulfed him in my arms because I knew at this moment he wanted assurance that I accept him for who he is and what he has been through, "Jin I am so proud of you for being so strong and facing it all bravely. Your father I respect him so much, he was a great man indeed to have been so far ahead of his time when it comes to his thinking. Baby don't worry okay we will get over this stuttering together I am here with you and you will never feel anxious and lonely again, it's a promise," I said sealing my words with a kiss on his forehead and I looked in his eyes to see the same emotions as mine being mirrored in those dark brown orbs and I guess these are the moments we all live for.

Jin's POV

I was in the kitchen cooking dinner as Namjoon had informed me about a visit from the director of SBS ,he insisted on ordering from a restaurant but I assured him that I could cook for his guest and it will be a nice gesture too, as I finished with the cooking and laying the table I called out for Namjoon.

"Yes love," he spoke as he entered the kitchen.

"Namjoon I am done with dinner so I think I will leave now since you will be having your guest over soon," I said.

"What? No, why do you want to go home and what does the guest have to do with you being here it's our house," he said as he pulled me towards him and making me sit on his lap while he sat on the chair.

"Your house baby not mine," I said correcting him, "besides me being here is going to raise too many questions and what if he talks about it to someone outside they will discover about us and I don't want you getting into trouble," I sheepishly said while looking down and playing with the hem of my shirt.

He raised my chin with his fingers and made me look at him, "first of its our house not mine only, because what's mine is yours to, second he is a friend of mine and he isn't someone who is into unnecessary gossips and spreading of rumours so I can trust him with us, besides I want you to meet him, he has been pestering me over my love life for years now and finally now when I have the love of my life with me he needs to know in order to stop," Namjoon beamed.

"Alright, now go get changed are you going to meet him like this in your home clothes," I said trying to get out from his hold but he held me tighter.

"Yes, he is coming home and I want to stay as comfortable as possible so now could you please stop trying to get away from my arms and stay like this until he comes," saying this he nuzzled his head in my neck and I chuckled at his cute behaviour.

"You are my living koala bear do you know that Joonie," I said running my fingers in his soft locks.

"Finally I hear Joonie ,I had been waiting the entire day to hear these six words from your mouth and all it took was me being cute for you to utter it," he said while still resting his head in my neck and I chuckled again as we both sat embracing each other and living our beautiful moment together.
A/N: I hope you all like this update well things are gonna get started from here so I hope you all like it further. I purple you guys 💜stay safe and healthy ❤