The Captain and I's Final Love (Captain America Fanfiction) (6th Book)

Chapter Ten: Selfish Thoughts...

"He's scared," Natasha said, filling the car of its silence. I bit on my fingernails, anxiety rushing through my body. How could we solve this without him? As much as I hated to admit it, we would need him in all of this. 

"We're going to need a bigger brain," Steve said, ignoring Nat's comment about Tony being scared. Maybe it was easier to ignore the complete rejection. 

"Bigger than his?" Scott exclaimed. 

"Are we going to see who I think?" I questioned, although I had been hearing rumors, I hadn't seen Bruce since everything that went down in Sokovia. It's been almost radio silence from him. 

Steve nodded in response. I could see Natasha tense slightly, although her face remained entirely passive. She would never let us know how she was truly feeling. 

"Are you good?" I sent her in a brain message. 

My eyes met hers through the rearview mirror, she only gave a slight shrug. That was the most I would get out of her. 

"Are we sure we can't convince Tony?" I asked, still not sure about doing this without him. "Maybe if you guys tried without me there, he might be more open." 

"I don't think that would have changed anything," Steve answered, with his hands tight around the wheel. Things have never been resolved since we last saw Tony. There were still so many things left unsaid, so many things we haven't touched. 

We all had to go back to the Avengers compound, it was going to take some time to track down Banner. 

Once we were alone, there was a question eating away at me. One I knew may cause conflict, but it was one I had to ask nonetheless. 

"I can't believe he would hardly hear us out. It's like he has completely given up," Steve said once we were completely alone. 

"Steve, do you think, if we were in Tony's position, would you want to sacrifice everything?" I asked, knowing that my own answer might be different. 

"Of course I would," he responded quickly. "Wouldn't you?" 

"You would? If you had a child involved in all of this?" I asked, still not sure. 

"But, wouldn't we owe it to half of the entire universe to still try?" 

"I don't know, all I'm saying is that I can see where he is coming from. If I were to somehow have given you a child during this time, wouldn't you have some pause on changing things?" 

He looked at me now, weighing his thoughts. I could have easily peeked inside, to see what he was mulling over. But, instead, I patiently waited. I wanted to see what he would share with me organically. 

"I think that even if you were to have given me a child, I would still want to help those who we have lost," his final answer rang out. 

I only nodded in response, chewing on my bottom lip. It wasn't the answer I thought he would say. I was growing increasingly mad, a sudden mood swing. I could feel myself heating up. Isn't he at all worried about what the past may bring us? If we were to fiddle with what has happened would it affect our future too? Maybe I was being selfish- no, I know I was being selfish but sometimes, can't I be? I was scared of losing what we have built during this time. During this time we have become so much stronger than I ever thought possible. We have leaned on each other in ways that have intertwined more permanently than ever before. What if this would change that? Or, what if there were bigger consequences in store for messing with the timeline? Who knows what we would unearth in the process. 

"I get it, I do. All I'm getting at is we can't blame Tony for wanting to bow out," I finished, throwing my hands up in defeat. "If we were parents, I think it would be harder to go head first into this without weighing all the options. I mean all we have to lose is each other, right?" 

With that, I turned on my heels and left the room. I could hear him calling my name, but before he could come looking for, I looked outside the window, seeing the distance of the yard in front of me and teleported. I was gone in an instant, away from the building. I was away fro the feeling that I was drowning in my own questions and in the answers I didn't want to hear. 

All the what-if's were suffocating me. What-if this, what-if that. It was hard to know what path to take in all of this because whether we win or we lose, something is going to change. I can feel within my bones. 

If only I could have given him the family he deserved, the one I could tell he so desperately wanted. Anytime the topic came up, I could see the sad faraway look in his eyes. Then, when I saw Tony's daughter come bounding out of that house, the almost perfect mix of him and Pepper, it was like my heart was torn. I couldn't tell in that moment who wanted it more, me or Steve. It was the unspoken heartache between us both. 

"Morgan!" I could hear Natasha's voice now, calling out to me. 

I inhaled, centering myself, putting the questions of what tomorrow would bring out of my head. I would have to put the selfish thoughts out of my mind. This, I had to remind myself, was bigger than me. It was bigger than all of us. If I withheld any effort, or didn't participate, I would never forgive myself. I had worked way too hard at erasing my past, at erasing the woman I so feared I was, that I needed to do this. To help save the world. 

I teleported to the front of the facility, Nat not even flinching as I suddenly appeared beside her. I guess she had grown used to it. 

She gave me a questioning look, raising an eyebrow. 

"I was clearing my head," I responded, the words clipped. I didn't want to delve further. I was going to keep it all bottled inside, at least until this was all over. 

"Well, we found Banner," she responded. "He's all over the web, it didn't take as long as we thought it would." 

"Alright, are we leaving now? Or first thing in the morning?" 

"Go ahead and get some rest, we're meeting him at some little diner in the morning. It'll give you plenty of time to clear your head." 

"Good." 

~A/n hey everyone!! I'm so glad I was able to update sooner this time around! My life has slowed down some, so writing has been a must for me! 

QOTC: What do you think of Morgan's inner thoughts this chapter? 

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!~