The Perfect Imperfection(#Wattys2015)

Chapter#17

My heart was beating so fast as if it would tear up my chest and pop out.

The anesthetic held my arm and I.........

"No! Stop! Please!" I screamed as I jerked away my arm from his grip." I can't do this. It's not ri......" I said as I started to get off the bed stretcher.

I was crying but I didn't know why. I didn't even know why I stopped him but just that this thing didn't feel right. It felt wrong.

"Ma'am, please it's okay. I know you're having a hard time right now but once it's done, you'll feel fine." A nurse said grabbing my shoulder.

"No. I don't want to have. Get away from me!" I said as I moved awsy from her hold and made my way to the other room.

The nurses tried to hold me back but I wouldn't listen a word.

They finally gave up and allowed me to leave. I changed back into my clothes with trembling hands that dropped the clothes over and over again. I wiped my tears withthe back of my hand and headed out.

I went to the waiting room and saw my friends sitting with a long face.

"Guys." I let out a word in a helplessness state.

They all looked at me oddly at first but then suddenly surrounded me. The two men sitting were eyeing us strangely but I didn't care.

"Rach. It's done?" Sarah asked with curiosity and hurt on her face.

They all were eager to hear me out.

"I........I can't." I said as tears threatened my eyes and my lips trembled.

"What? So you're keeping the baby?" Shawn said out loud in irritation and disappointment.

"Keep it down man, let's hear her out first." Harry said as he caressed my shoulder in consolidation.

"Please can we go back? Please?" I said shrugging in a helplessness state. "

"Yeah of course. Let's go." Sarah said in relief as she put an arm around me and we headed out of the hospital.

Shawn opened his mouth to say something but once Sarah shot him a look, he kept quiet and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

Sarah drove my car as the boys followed us in their cars. We were going back at my place. On our way Sarah asked me something that I myself didn't know that I was going to say.

"Rach, so.......what happened back there?" Sarah asked as she turned up the heater and glanced at me.

I sighed and started to talk. I didn't cry or seem to be helpless.

"Sarah, when back there in that room they told me to close my eyes, I fell asleep for a short while and you know what I saw." I looked at my knotted hands as tears of amazement filled my eyes.

" I saw a little baby in my arms. I can't believe that something in this world could be so fragile so delicate, innocent and.........so beautiful." I said gesturing with my hands in the air and the tears were now starting to fall.

"I.........I.......couldn't seem to even think for a second to give up on that. To give up on that little heart beat in my hands. It felt.......it felt like holding it so closer to myself until I was afraid no more of letting it go. I didn't want to even get my eyes off that beautiful baby, so how could I let it go away from me." I said crying helplessly but a smile filled with disgust on myself played on the lips.

"That baby doesn't know anything. No Shane, no Rachel but just that it's alive with a heart beating inside it." I cried as I wiped the nonstop falling tears.