Daddy's Home (KNJ au)

Ch. 15

There are so many things that have taken over my mind that I'm not able to explain how I'm feeling in the correct way. I guess the only way to express my feelings is to admit that I'm confused. What do Namjoon and I have going on? Why are we doing any of it? Why did I allow myself to get roped into this? I'm his nanny and his friend. There's no reason I should be sexually involved with this man. So why am I? Why am I allowing myself to engage with him sexually?

I don't notice that it's after midnight until I hear the locks on the front door turning and I look at my phone. Namjoon comes walking in, locking up after himself and slows his pace when he notices me sitting on the couch.

"Harlow, hey. You're up late. Is everything okay?" I nod, feeling him sit next to me. I'm still trapped in my mind and I want to bum rush him with all my questions. "Do you want to talk?"

I nod again, not being able to get my words out. Why can't I speak? Why can't I just ask him what is going on with us?

Namjoon sees my uncomfortable state as he lightly places his palm on top of my hand. "I want to start by saying that I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" I finally say, looking into his eyes that hold so much genuine sincerity.

He nods, looking down. "I am. I'm so sorry for a lot right now. I'm sorry that you have to be in my mess of things going on with my divorce. And I'm sorry I kissed you. And I'm so sorry that we had sex. It was wrong of me to do those things with you."

My heart slowly breaks a little. It kind of hurts to think that he would regret sleeping with me. But why does it hurt? I'm not supposed to be emotionally invested in him. I'm supposed to be a support to him. I'm supposed to help him get through his divorce as smoothly as possible and transition into single parenthood.

"Say something, please." He pulls me from my thoughts. "You're thinking about a lot."

"You have nothing to feel sorry for. I'm the one that needs to apologize. I took your vulnerability for granted." I feel tears stinging my eyes so I let them fall. "I shouldn't have done that to you, Namjoon. I'm sorry."

I find myself behind pulled into his warm embrace and I instantly melt. I'm way too comfortable in his arms and that's a problem. I clear my throat and pull away from him. He looks me in my eyes, his so soft with genuine remorse and sadness. He grabs the sides of my face and pulls me closer. I close my eyes, feeling his soft lips press on the middle of my forehead.

"Thank you for everything you've done, including that. I promise to never put you in that situation ever again. Let's work together to get through this smoothly, okay?"

But what if I want to be in that situation? With you between my legs? What if I want to continue being the one you run to when you need a release? I don't say any of my thoughts out loud as I nod. Namjoon stands and makes his way out of the room. I figure I might as go to bed myself. I've been doing too much thinking and it isn't good for my mental state, honestly.

--

"So let me get this straight." My friend Myles says. "You slept with your hot boss?"

"Don't say it like that." I close my eyes, shaking my head.

"There is no other way to say it, though." My other friend Amelia says. "You slept with him, and he's fucking hot."

"Yeah, but that isn't the point." I look between the both of them. "I know that what we did was wrong. And we did it more than once in that single day."

"Wait a second. Isn't he married?" Amelia raises a brow.

"Kinda."

Myles frowns. "The fuck does 'kinda' mean? Either he's married or he's not."