Jersey (Lesbian Story)(GirlxGirl)

$40

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Kissing Finley was a no-go. Sure, she kissed me but I was the one who suggested it. She had just lost her husband and I doubt the last thing she was worried about was starting over with an idiot like me. The worst part about the kiss was that, I actually felt something. I didn’t expect to feel anything. Actually, I hoped the kiss would make me realize that I didn’t have feelings for her. I thought the kiss would make me realize that I was truly in love with Val, but it didn’t. It made me realize the opposite. I loved Val with all of my heart, but I wasn’t in love with her. I enjoyed our conversation, the sex, and I enjoyed her as a person; but Finley and I just had some type of connection. When we kissed, it was almost like I was regenerated. I realized that I’ve missed her so much over the past years. Now, here she was a widow with breast cancer and an adorable daughter.

A part of me wondered if Finley felt the same way, when I kissed her, but I doubt that she did. She was probably angry at me and herself at the moment. Since the kiss, she hadn’t said a word to me and in return I didn’t say a word to her. Her, Rue and I ordered our food at some overpriced restaurant at the amusement park, and I paid for our meals. We found ourselves a table and we sat down as we waited for our food. Rue was the only talkative one. She was still talking about the first rollercoaster that we went on. I watched as she talked with amusement as if nothing awkward was going on between her mother and I. Not too long ago, she was accusing me of trying to take her father’s place. But, I would never try to do that. Beck raised her with Finley, until he died, he deserved to be etched in her memory for the rest of her life and not just to be washed away. I didn’t know much about Beck, but I assumed that Finley did. She could keep him alive by telling stories of him to her daughter.

I sat there and played with the straw in my drink as I awaited my food. Finley was looking anywhere and everywhere except for my direction. We probably really fucked things up by kissing. I wouldn’t be surprised, if she said she didn’t want to see me again like she did five years ago. “Can we go on more rides after this,” Rue asked me with a sweet smile. At least she was enjoying herself. I guess that was all that mattered.

“It all depends on your mother,” I replied as finally glanced over towards Finley. She looked at me then at her daughter. She gave Rue a small nod, and Rue screamed with excitement. The little girl began squealing with anticipation and began talking about what she wanted to go on next. I managed to get a map of the park, and she was staring down at it, pointing at just about everything. I smiled a bit at her before looking back over to Finley, who was fiddling with her fingers. She still wore her wedding ring. Damn, of course, she wasn’t over him yet. I mean, it’s only been like a week. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, so only that she could hear. She glanced up at me, her eyes looked to be watery as if she was going to cry at any moment. I felt like a complete douche. “I shouldn’t have-”

“I still love you,” she said timidly. Her voice shook as she spoke lowly. A tear fell from one of her eyes and she looked back down at her fingers. “It’s fucked up but I don’t think I ever stopped loving you. The only reason I let you go was because I was scared that you’d hurt me again,” she admitted. My mind went back to how I had fucked Finley over. I had got head from that stupid girl in that stupid bar, and the suggestive texts girls continued to send me didn’t help out the situation any more. I remembered Finley crying and throwing her shoes and other objects at me. I was an asshole back then. I regretted every bad thing that I had done to her.

I took Finley’s shaking hand in mine, and brushed my thumb against the back of her hand. “Finley, it’s fine. I’m so sorry for all the fucked up shit that I did to you. You didn’t deserve what I did to you, neither did you deserve Morgan’s lies, and Nicky’s abuse. You’re a beautiful, strong woman. Right now, you’re kicking cancer’s ass as you go through a hard time of mourning. I realized that I still love you, too, but I know it’s hard for you because you just lost your husband.” I glanced over at Rue and she still seemed occupied with the map. She had it in front of her face and she looked as if she was trying to read it, but it was upside down. I averted my eyes back over to Finley to see her wiping her tears with her free hand.