Walls

I'm Not Gay

Yo's POV

My name is Wayo Panitchayasawad. This summer I turn 17 years old and later this year, I start my final year of high school. I'm the only son and heir of the Panitchayasawad fortune, my dad is one of the richest men in Thailand. Today is actually the last day of school. I'm standing near the basketball courts looking out of place while other students rush passed me to get home and start enjoying their summer. I am the only person stupid enough to be walking around the school looking for my crush so that I can confess my feelings.

I'm in love with Phana Kongthanin, a senior who is graduating. It is literally his last day of classes. Nothing like leaving it until the last minute! That's right I said love, and I also said his last day. Crazy, stupid, looking like a fool for — love. It's not bad enough that I happen to be an ugly, skinny nobody and he's a popular, intelligent, basketball playing hottie, but I'm also scrambling around getting sweaty while trying to find him before he leaves this school for the last time.

He's not at the basketball courts, and he wasn't by his locker. Please don't go home yet, Pha. I'm just walking by some empty classrooms on my way to the parking lot to see if his car is still there when I hear his voice. I turn back to the classroom door, leaning in just enough to see who he's talking to.

Mustering my courage, I'm about to walk in to talk to him, when I hear his friend, Kit, speak.

"So you're telling me if a guy confessed his love to you, you would reject him?" Kit asked, looking at Pha.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I like girls," Pha said in an exasperated voice.

"You're sure?" Beam asked.

"I'm not gay. Just thinking about it is giving me the creeps," Pha said, officially breaking my heart.

I could already feel the tears filling my eyes as I turned to leave. I have to get out of here before they come out of the room and see me. In my hurry, I kicked a box of books that was sitting in the hallway next to the door. Of course. I panic when I hear them walking to the door to investigate. As the tears start to blur my vision, I run and trip on my own feet. I drop the yellow note card I was holding and the small grey box with the bracelet I got for Pha. I right myself, grabbing for the box, and continue running. I see my driver waiting for me in the parking lot, so I slip into the car and tell him to drive, feeling like the devil is on my heels.

Ming was waiting for me in the car, ready to offer either congratulations or solace.

"Yo, I'm sorry," he said, my tears making the outcome obvious.

I lean my head on Ming's shoulder and let the tears fall. I knew this was more than just a possibility when I went to confess to Pha. I was a skinny guy covered with acne, wearing both braces and glasses. I was totally ugly and awkward. Pha was tall, handsome, and the desire of every girl in the school. I should have known better than to hope that he might give me a chance, but I couldn't help myself. I had to accept that he would never love me. I give him the creeps. I knew it would hurt when he said no. I shouldn't have been so stupid.