Walls

Trial and Error

Yo's POV

My phone beeped with a new notification. I looked down at it expectantly, but it was just one of my fairy angels letting me know about some activities this week. I was grateful for their friendship and always inviting me to hang out, but it wasn't the message I had been waiting for. I looked down at the time and tried to call Pha once more. It went directly to voicemail.

He's an hour late, and I'm starting to wonder if he's actually coming. Did he forget? I told him that I would forget the past, but it felt like he really wasn't someone I could depend on. Maybe he was just playing with my feelings. It wasn't a very nice thought, but honestly I don't know what to make of Pha's behavior recently. Ever since we came back from the beach trip, he's been giving me the full court press. The problem is that I just can't tell if he's sincere.

In the past, I would have just been grateful for what little time I could spend with him, and forgiven him immediately for whatever reason he had for his rudeness. Recently, something had changed inside of me. Even though Pha was still the only man in my heart, I was no longer willing to wait patiently for his attention and be content just loving him from afar. For the first time ever, I was willing to walk away.

I was no longer the kind of person who would be okay with being the last person he thought of or just someone who he could flirt with and then ignore. He had to decide if he was going to be in my life or out of my life, because I wasn't willing to live with his inconsistency anymore.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Forth standing over me.

"N'Yo, what are you doing here so late?" he asked, sitting down next to me on the stairs.

"I'm waiting for P'Pha," I said, looking at my watch one more time. "He's supposed to be taking me to practice the piano so I can prepare for the competition."

"Where is he? Is he late?" Forth said, looking at his watch.

"Yeah, not quite an hour late now," I said. "I tried calling him, but it just goes to voicemail and he isn't responding to my texts."

"I'll wait with you," Forth said. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Really? What's up?" I asked. Pha had said that Forth liked me, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Forth was wonderful, but I didn't want to give him hope when I wasn't ready.

"I'm starting to have feelings for you, N'Yo," Forth said. "Honestly, I thought maybe there was something going on between you and Pha. I told him I wanted to pursue you, and he didn't say anything. So now I'm asking you, do you think someday we can be more than friends?"

I closed my eyes against the pain that I felt. Pha really was just playing with me. I'd only ever thought of Pha when I imagined who I would love, but if he was never going to love me back, would it be so bad to allow myself to fall in love with someone else? Even knowing that, I thought Forth deserved to know that right now, I loved someone else.

"I like spending time with you, P'," I said, wanting to be perfectly honest with him. "But I can't make any promises. For a long time, I've had someone else in my heart. Even though I don't think I matter to him, it wouldn't be fair to give you hope until my heart is free."

"We'll just spend time together as friends," Forth said, smiling at me. "Then we can see where it leads."

We sat and had a comfortable conversation for awhile. Somehow Forth always seemed to be able to help me relax. The time passed faster with him here, but I was still wondering what was keeping Pha. I looked at my watch one more time, wondering what I should do. If this is all just a game to him, is he even coming?