Walls

Clarity

Yo's POV

"Are you ready?" Pha asked, as he walked back from his talk with Forth. Forth had pulled away on his motorcycle, leaving me with an angry Pha.

"Yes," I said shortly. I picked up my bag and walked over to his car. I don't know why Pha is angry when I am the one who has been sitting here waiting for over an hour. As soon as he opens the door, I slip in to the front seat, but I can feel my shoulders stiffening when he sits down next to me in the driver's seat. I honestly don't want to talk to him right now.

"Why were you holding Ai'Forth's hand?" Pha said, not making any move to go. What the hell?

"Really?" I asked, looking at him in astonishment. "That's all you have to say?"

"I thought I'd made my intentions clear," he said, his tone angry. "Do you prefer him? Were you trying to make me jealous?"

"You're unbelievable!" I said, my own anger rising. "First, P'Forth is my friend. He cares about me. He was worried about me and he offered to drive me all the way to my house just so I could practice the piano because I wasn't sure if you were coming."

Pha started to say something, but I didn't give him a chance, "Second, I have been waiting here for over an hour. You didn't bother to call or answer your phone or respond to my text messages. When you finally decide to show up, you immediately got angry."

Pha is looking at me in surprise, but I'm still not finished, "Third, what gives you the right to question me like that? I wasn't holding hands with P'Forth, he was helping me stand up. But if I wanted to hold hands with someone, that would be my choice. You aren't my boyfriend. It's only recently that I would even call you my friend, so you do not have the right to act as though I belong to you. I belong to myself and no one else."

My hands are balled into fists and I'm struggling to rein in my temper. I know Pha is shocked, even I'm a little surprised, but this time he's gone too far. I hear him take a deep breath and he turns toward me. I'm so angry that I'm afraid I'll actually hit him, so I turn to look out the window.

"I'm sorry," Pha said, sounding penitent. He took another deep breath before he continued, "My lab was very late and my phone ran out of batteries. Both Ai'Kit's and Ai'Beam's phones were out of batteries too. I was worried about you, but then I saw you with Ai'Forth and I got jealous."

I looked over to see Pha staring at me. His hands are twisting in his lap and there are tears gathering in his eyes. Just as my anger starts to drain away I remember what Forth just told me. Pha didn't care that Forth wanted to court me, so why all this fake jealousy?

"I don't understand you," I said, feeling angry and frustrated. "Are my feelings so unimportant to you that you think it's okay to play with my heart?"

"What?" he asked. He looked even more shocked, but what did he expect?

"P'Forth said that you didn't object when he told you that he wanted to go out with me," I said. I had reached the end of my patience and I wasn't going to wait anymore. "You said you made your intentions clear. But unless your intentions are to hurt me, you aren't being clear about anything."

He sat there, not saying anything. I didn't know what else to do. I only knew that I didn't want to feel this way anymore.

"I didn't tell Ai'Forth how I felt because I was embarrassed to admit my feelings for you," Pha said with guilt in his eyes. "That's why I told Ai'Beam and Ai'Kit that I didn't like boys back in high school. I had never liked a guy before. You're the only exception. I didn't want to tell anyone. I was afraid of how they would react. But my feelings for you are real. I've liked you for a very long time."

"Are you still embarrassed?" I asked. I didn't want to start something with Pha and then find out that he wasn't ready to be honest yet. I had to know if he was fully invested in being with me or if he just wanted to figure out how he really felt.

"Not anymore," he said. He tried to take hold of my hands, but I crossed my arms to avoid him. "I'm sure about how I feel about you. I don't want anyone else. I won't let you down. I'm just worried that you're going to choose Ai'Forth. He likes you too, and he has a lot more free time to spend with you."

My heart stuttered in my chest. His words made me feel like maybe I could trust Pha with my heart. It was still new, still uncertain, but maybe he would finally stop hurting me. Maybe we could both let go of the past and move forward together.

"P'Pha," I said, taking his hands in mine as an offer of forgiveness. I felt a small bubble of happiness inside of me. "I understand that you're busy. What I care about is the kind of person you are and the way that you treat me. Do you really think I'm going to stop liking you because you're late to pick me up? What I care about is that you're trying. But I have to be the only person in your heart."

Pha started to smile and he leaned closer to me, his eyes focused on my lips. I did want to kiss him, but I don't think it's a good idea to give in now. This is very new for me and a bubble of happiness can easily burst. He moves his head closer to mine, clearly going in for a kiss, so I put my fingers over his mouth to stop him.

"Let me be clear. If I'm not the only person in your heart, I deserve to be able to find someone else. I won't belong to anyone who doesn't belong to me too," I said, giving him a warning. To soften my words, I lean over and place a light kiss on his cheek. "Now, it's getting late and I really need to go practice the piano, so could you please take me there?"

Pha smiled at me and told me to buckle my seatbelt. Then we drove to a music store where he was given keys to a private room in the back. I sat down at the piano and warmed up by playing a couple of easier pieces that I knew well.

"Wow, you're really good at that," Pha said, sitting down on the floor behind me.

"Of course I am," I replied. "Did you think I would choose a talent that I couldn't do well?"

"Have you decided what song you're going to play?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. I'd had a song picked out before, but on the drive here, after our talk, I changed my mind. I chose a new song, one that showed how I felt about Pha. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure," he said.

"Can you go wait somewhere else?" I asked, looking at him nervously. "Why don't you pick up some food?"

"You don't want me to be here?" Pha asked, looking like I'd kicked him in the stomach.

"I'm happy that you're here," I said, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "But I would really like my song to be a surprise, so could you wait outside? Please?"

Pha pleaded to stay, but finally gave in and went to get some food while I practiced my song. I wasn't just going to play the piano, I planned to sing as well. Pha returned with food and then tried to listen, but I sent him to wait outside again. When I finally finished my practice is was very late. I was grateful for my years of piano lessons or I would have been in a lot of trouble.