REINCARNATE

19, caving in.

It took a lot of shoving, pleading, and bribing, but y/n and Suna's relationship slowly began to mend. Although they still rarely talked, they started acknowledging each other's presence which was more than enough progress for their friends. Still, every moment and every encounter felt fake and distant to y/n, she couldn't help but think what if Suna was just putting up with her for the sake of their friends? Y/n walked up to the second year class, the bell had just signalled the end of the day. Taking a deep breath, she entered the classroom where Osamu was packing his bag and Suna sat on a desk facing away from the door. Gently placing a hand on his cheek to not startle him, y/n ignored the electricity shooting through her veins as she turned his head and looked into his eyes. 'He looks so tired.'

"Have you been sleeping?" She asked, studying his face carefully.

"No." Suna's reply was short and colder than he meant. 

"Oh." Y/n realized her hand still cupped his cheek and moved away, shocked when Suna moved his face closer into her touch.

They walked with Osamu to the gym, not talking as usual. The feeling of y/n's hand on his skin lingered, making Suna feel light headed. He wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment, but she had moved away too quickly and cold nothingness replaced her warmth. Practice went by quickly and for y/n, much easier than usual. Still, she felt an ache inside and y/n decided that she would talk to Suna today, or at least try and explain her side of what happened.

"Are you coming?"

Y/n turned around to face Suna's deadpan face, she grabbed her bag and nodded. They walked for a while in uncomfortable silence, y/n struggling to calm the shaking inside her. She willed herself to stop, causing Suna to look back at her curiously. 

"Ask me again."

"..........Huh?" Suna tilted his head, confused by the determined look on her face.

"You asked me, If I still love Nakamura."

Oh, yikes. He looked away ashamed. 

"Ask me again." Y/n turned his head to face her. 

"Um......do you still love him?"

She didn't hesitate. "I did."

Wow, that hurt more than what she said about not ever falling for him. Suna glared at her, feeling anger and hurt rise up inside again. He opened his mouth to retort but y/n grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks with her hands so he couldn't say anything.

"Shut the fuck up and let me finish. I said I did, not I do." Suna's eyes widened and y/n suppressed a laugh at the amusing sight of him being all shocked while his face was still squeezed between her palms.

"Now let me explain. Yes, you were an asshole for trying to force me to choose. Yes, it did hurt a lot and I did say a lot of things that I regretted every single day since we fought. I was confused and upset and I'm sorry, I know how empty that sounds but it's the truth. What you said was unforgivable, but I also understand why you feel that way." She spoke slowly and clearly, making sure each word sunk in.

"Part of it was my fault, for keeping secrets and not being clear with my feelings. I didn't mean it but I made you feel like a rebound, which is a feeling no one should be familiar with. I'm sorry I pushed you away, I said I'd never fall for someone like you but I did. You are so important to me, and whether you were aware of it or not, you helped to heal wounds that you weren't responsible for inflicting. That's pretty damn special, I needed someone like you, someone who was cool and calm and realistic and trusted that I could handle myself but also be there if I needed you. Now, you also asked me how you would know if I were lying to you about all this or not."