so sick (one direction)

lilo~ Louis harm

{Louis}

Liam is and always has been the strongest in the band, there was no doubt about that. when he broke his arm, he didn't cry, but when I broke my arm, I screamed for an hour. I'm in love with Liam, and everything about him, so you can probably imagine how much I hurt when I see him upset. and that was exactly how I felt when Danielle broke up with him. Harry and Niall know about my crush on Liam, and that I hate seeing him sad, so when he's sad, I'm also sad. Danielle broke up with Liam 2 months ago, and Liam was an emotional wreck when he returned to the flat after their date.

~flashback~ 

we were sitting on the sofa waiting for Liam to leave for his date with Danielle, when he was going to propose. Niall and Harry are the only ones who know about my crush on Liam, and we all knew that Liam and I were both Bisexual. Niall, Harry and I, were having a conversation about what we would have for dinner since only three of us were eating tonight. I say we were talking, Niall and Harry were, I just zoned out, thinking about how I had less and less of a chance with Liam, since he would be marrying Danielle. if only Danie... "Lou? Louis! LOUIS!!!" Niall shouted. "huh? what" Niall sighed. "you're thinking about him again aren't you? I asked what you wanted to eat tonight? its your turn to cook tonight so you get to decide between cheese and bacon pastries, lasagne or southern fried chicken and chips?" he said. "uh... I-I'm not really in the mood to cook. can we just order a take away please? and no I was not thinking about him" I snapped the last part, shocking both Harry, Niall and myself. I knew that it was a big mistake, as Niall doesn't like people shouting at him as it scares him. 

"look, I'm sorry Nialler, I'm just having a bad day ok? I really am sorry. you two order what you like, I'm not feeling too great. I'm going to my room"  I said. I knew that if I was going to cut, I would have to go to my room and pretend I was ill. Niall is the only person who knows about my situation, and I've been clean from cutting for 3 months now, 2 months after I started 5 months ago, and he only found out after I forgot to lock the door. this time, however, I didn't make that mistake. I got to my room, and I locked the door. I went to my wardrobe, and took out the blade. Niall said that if he ever caught me again, he would tell Harry and Liam, but if I confided in him, he wouldn't. I spoke to myself "one for falling in love with Liam. two for lying to Niall and Harry, and Liam. three for that cut, four for that one, five for that one, six for that one, 7 for that one, 8 for that one, nine for that one and ten for that one, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 18, 19, 20" then I went to the other arm. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20" I knew I needed to tell Niall, and I decided that Harry needed to know, since making Niall keep secrets from his boyfriend is unfair. I decided that I couldn't clean up my cuts myself.

I couldn't clean them last time, and since it hurt, I wanted someone to hold me through the process. I picked up my phone and called Niall . it rang twice befor he picked up. "hey Lou, if you are calling to apologize again, I forgive you ok?" "no Niall, I need to talk to you. p-please i-its urgent" I said. "hey, its ok Lou, I'm outside your room now. can you open the door for me?" "y-yeah. hang on" I said hanging up. I opened the door, and Niall instantly looked down at my arms. "I-I'm s-sorry Niall. I-I relapsed. I c-couldn't help it. I-I'm so-orry. y-you should t-tell H-Harry. -he should know too." "oh Lou, its ok. you did so well in the last three months. let me shout for Harry ok?"  "y-yeah" I said. "HAZ! I NEED YOU UP HERE PLEASE." Niall shouted, with a massive amount of urgency in his voice, causing harry to run up the stairs. "what do you need Ni... are you ok Lou? why're you crying mate?"  Harry asked, concern evident in his eyes. I cried harder "shh Lou, its ok. do you want me to tell him?" I didn't want to talk so I just nodded. "ok Lou. go lay down for a minute so I can speak to Harry"