so sick (one direction)

Nouiam~ I hate this part 2

I was scared so I began to cry, and Josh pulled me into his chest, knowing that when I cry over something scary, I have panic attack. Josh and I are publicly dating so it came to no surprise that Josh did this, as this was the way we came out. "J-Joshy? I-I'm scared" I cried into his shoulder. I heard Tobi speak. "Josh, why dont you take JJ into the spare room to calm him down, and since we all now know that Simon is sick, Vik, Ethan and I can look after him." "Ok" I said.

 {Josh}

I love JJ. he is my world. and when I see he is scared, it breaks my heart. I didnt want him to have a panic attack today, it had already been a bad day with Niall being ill, Harry's panic attack, Liam's asthma attack, Simon ill, its all too much. when "Josh, why dont you take JJ into the spare room to calm him down, and since we all now know that Simon is sick, Vik, Ethan and I can look after him." "Ok" I replied. I hate this. its all to much. I just want to run away. back home. where I feel safer. where I know I have my blade for comfort. where I can feel better without telling anyone. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate everything. not JJ, or my friends. it isn't fair. why couldn't it be me who was happy? everyone else gets to be happy, so why not me. I was pulled out of my thoughts by JJ speaking. "Josh? whats wrong." "n-nothing. are you ok Jide? you going to have a panic attack?" "no. I know everyone's ok, and that Niall is ok too. but you aren't. you went pale. I want you to talk to me baby. or one of the others. please?" "y-yeah. uh, can you and Tobi sit with me and I'll talk to you both." "yeah baby. let me get him for you."

he walked out of the room to where the paramedics had just taken Niall to the ambulance from, and asked for Tobi to come to the room. Ethan and Harry had gone with Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn, so it was just Simon, Tobi, Vik, JJ and I in the house. minutes later, JJ returned with Tobi. "hey Josh, Jide said you wanted to speak to us. what is it? whats wrong?" he said as he noticed me become more nervous and a tear slipped down my cheek. "I-I uh, I..." I trailed off. "calm down babe, take your time" I took a breath, before talking. "I uh... I just feel like the world would be better off without me. I constantly feel the need to cut, and when I cant do that, I get angry, and punch everything. I just wanna be happy. I want to feel like everyone else. and I want to stop having to be everyone's comfort, and the person everyone turns to with their problems. I want someone I can turn to about my problems, and have someone help me through it rather than carry my struggles while carrying everyone else's. I j-just wa-want t-to be happy again" I cried. 

about a quarter of the way through, JJ had pulled me into a hug, so I cried into his shoulder. "we d-didnt know you felt that way Josh. uh... do... do you mind if I see the cuts? just to see how bad you've done it?" Tobi asked "u-uh ye-yeah" I said, and I rolled my sleeves up, then my top, and my shorts legs. "when... when did you..." JJ trailed off. "I started 3 years ago, and I last did it last night. I tried to stop. I swear" I kept crying. "it's ok Josh babe, we'll help you. but for now, they need us at the hospital for support. are you up to that?" "uh... not really. I'm fairly tired. I wanna sleep now." ok baby."

{Louis} 

I didnt want Niall to die. thats all I could think would happen. he would die. I would lose Liam and Niall forever. "hi mate, we're here now. he'll be ok mate. I promise" the paramedic spoke. but... I fainted.  when I woke up, I didnt know where I was or what happened. I looked around, and saw Niall in a bed, separate from me. strange. then I saw Liam, Harry and Zayn, with Ethan and Harry." w-where am I? what happened?" I croaked, needing some water. "Lou? you're awake! Niall threw up, and then Liam had an asthma attack, then Harry had a panic attack, then Simon threw up, then Niall had a seizure, then JJ nearly had a panic attack. but Niall's ok" Zayn spoke"but... what happened to me? why am I in here?" "you fainted. you've been out for two hours. turns out Niall has epilepsy." "Niall is right here, morons" Niall said, causing us to laugh. "actually Niall, Louis and Liam, Zayn and I have a question for you." Harry said. "shoot" Liam replied. "we were wondering if we could be part of your relationship?" "yes!" we said. the nurse walked in. 

"ah. mr Tomlinson. now that you are awake, we can discuss your illness that caused you to faint, as I can see, on multiple occasions, that have not been diagnosed?" "what illness?" "you have diabetes mr Tomlinson, which has caused you to faint on many occasions. now that we know the cause, we can treat it. and as for you mr Horan, you need to take two of these every day, whether that is both in the morning, or 1 in the morning, and one in the afternoon, but it is preferred to take them in the morning. if you decide against both in the morning, it is Vital to take at least one in the morning ok?" and mr Tomlinson, your diabetes will be medicated with 7 pills every morning, and 6 every evening ok?" (yes, 7 in the morning, 6 in the evening. I am going off of my dads doses not that he has been taking them with the cancer and that, but oh well) "yes nurse. can we go home yet?" "yes. let me just get your prescriptions, and then you can leave, but you need to remember to take them every day ok? and you had your first doses while you were asleep, in liquid form." the nurse walked out. 

"I cant believe that I am such a freak." Niall and I said at the same time "hey, hey. none of that. you aren't freaks. you have illnesses. Lou, yours can be reversed Lou, you aren't freaks anyway. you cant help being ill, can you? and we love you anyway" Zayn smiled. at least I have my four boyfriends. I couldn't be happier