Butterfly🦋 (oikawa x reader)

Chapter 33

"Y/n, if you don't open this door right now, I will not hesitate to break it down."

The door swung open, revealing none other than yourself. You looked horrible. Hair a bird's nest, clothes disheveled. The worst of it was your eyes. They were so blank and dead. No life in them at all. The volleyball team stared at you with remorse, shopping bags limp in their arms. The smile on your lips was more like a grimace.

"Are...... you okay ?"

"Of course I am. Come in," you stood aside. Your voice was empty of any emotion at all, along with your face. You remembered how vibrant Hanamaki's hair used to be, how Iwaizumi's eyes were so bright. Now everything was monotonous. It had been a few days since grandma's death. Your parents were busy planning the funeral, and your brother was drowning himself in work. You had skipped school the past two days, and your parents didn't protest one bit. You've been keeping yourself busy by researching volleyball and studying the boys's files, coming up with training regimes and diets. You haven't gotten a good hour of sleep for the last few days, and it showed.

You plopped onto the bed, shuffling some food wrappers out of the way. Your room was a huge mess. Food wrappers scuttled on the floor, empty water bottles lying around, paper strewn everywhere. The team walked in after, not surprised about the state of your room. Without saying a word, they started to pick up the trash.

"What are you doing ?"

She sounds so dead, Oikawa grimaced at your emotionless voice. He understood what you were feeling to an extent. He knew what it felt like to lose a relative, but all of the relatives he had lost he was never close with. It hurt Oikawa to see you in so much pain. (Come on Oikawa, stop being a pussy and give baby a hug 😤)

"You can't live like this, it's unhealthy," Iwaizumi scolded you. You sat and watched them clean up. You could care less about the room around you. You wouldn't even care if you were stuck in a dumpster. It didn't help the pain either way. It was always there; a thorn in your side. You couldn't get rid of it without it hurting.

"There. All done." Kunimi brushed his fingertips against his jacket, knocking off not so imaginary dirt. You forced a smile onto your face.

"Thanks guys. I appreciate it," you said. The team collectively frowned.

People cope with grief in different ways. Sometimes they cling to other people to fill in the gap that was left. Sometimes they suffocate themselves with work or activities. You were the one that bottled it all up. You couldn't stand to push your burdens onto other people, so decided it best to keep it to yourself.

"Y/n...... we might not be the most...... ideal people to tell stuff to. But if you need to talk...... we are here for you." Watari said carefully. Your armor chipped away just a little bit.

"Thanks. Just as I said, I'm fine ! No need to worry about me. Worry about yourselves !" You brushed them off. No way could you involve them. They needed to focus on themselves, not you. You were just fine. Just fine. I'm okay. There is nothing wrong. I'll be fine...... soon.

"Y/n, we mean it, you know." Yahaba voiced his concerns, taking a small step towards you. There was an invisible barrier between you and the team. Your side of the barrier was gray and filled with grief. Their side was gorgeous colors and sounds. You would not drag them into your hell. The chip turned into a small crack.

"Yes, I do know. You guys should get going though." You waved them off. In reality, it was only 6 PM. You wanted to be alone when the walls finally came crumbling down again. Your sorrow was a never ending war. You built up a wall only for it to be broken down again. Over and over and over again. The crack opened up a little more.

Iwaizumi was fed up with you by now. They all knew you weren't okay yet you denied it. He understood that you wouldn't sway that easily, but they were practically giving you free counseling appointments. Why won't she just let it out ?

"Y/n, stop lying through your teeth ! We all know your spewing bullshit because you don't want to weigh us down ! We'll be fine ! Just let it out !" Iwaizumi angrily yelled at you. Hanamaki hit him and quietly scolded him. Your eyes widened for a second in shock before returning to their lifeless gaze. You wanted to let it out. It was on the top of your tongue. But you couldn't break down in front of them. You wouldn't be able to face them after. They might leave you for all you know. The crack spread to a new out.

They need to leave. Leave me alone. Let me fight this alone. Leave me alone.

"Get out," you choked out. The boys's heads snapped up in shock. That was the first time you let emotion pass through your voice.

"Wha-"

"I said get out !" You screeched at them. A look of horror crept on your face at their expressions. Your voice had struck them like lightning, like nothing they had ever heard. You sounded so truly angry. You ducked your head to hide your face.

"Just go"

Those whispered words pulled on the team's heartstrings. Their hearts shattered with yours, though that was the thousandth time yours had broken. Your heart kept beginning to heal but breaking all over again. You felt so useless, incompetent. You wanted to give up. More cracks chipped their way into your armor.

"GOD DAMN IT Y/N ! JUST LET US HELP YOU !" Iwaizumi's voice resonated through the room. You scoffed, letting some of the turmoil reveal itself on your face.

"I don't need any help. Leave me alone !" You shouted back. The situation had escalated too quickly.

"Guys, how about we just calm down-" Kindaichi was cut off abruptly by Iwaizumi.

"Your weak. Y/n, your weak. You can't even ask for help when you need it ! And guess what ? Keeping everything bottled up isn't going to bring your grandma back !"

You never knew you could move so fast. Your fist lashed out and cut across Iwaizumi's jaw, a loud crack sounding. He stumbled backwards, and you took the opportunity to tackle him. You thumped onto the floor, pinning Iwaizumi with your legs. You don't remember feeling anything while doing it. You were so numb, it hurt. You were so sick of it. The feeling of loneliness ached in your very bones, grief soaked into your muscles, sadness running through your veins. Oikawa was the one to pull you off of Iwaizumi. You were going to rock his shit as well before he cradled you in his arms. You told yourself you would stay strong. For the team. For your brother. For your parents. For grandma. But you were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or more like the right place at the wrong time. Your armor crumbled into pieces.

You wouldn't have believed the sounds you were making were coming from you if you hadn't been hearing them. You sounded so destroyed, even to yourself. You sunk to the floor, taking Oikawa with you. At the moment, Oikawa was your lifeline. You clung to him desperately, body trembling in his arms. Oikawa honestly felt like breaking down with you. He had never seen anyone cry like this before. Seeing it hurt him enough to make him want to curl into a ball and bawl his eyes out. But he had to be strong for you.

The volleyball team, your parents, everything faded into the background. It was only you and Oikawa, healing you one piece at a time. You wouldn't recover right away. But this was enough to satisfy you.

~small timeskip~

"So, that's what happened ?" 

Matsukawa nodded. The team was now seated in the living room with your parents, explaining what had happened. Your dad sighed.

"Iwaizumi. What you did was a bit too rash. But, thank you. Y/n needed to let it out. That wasn't the best course of action, but it worked." Your dad cleared his throat. Your mom coughed a little before adding on.

"All of us are struggling right now. But Y/n has it the worst. We're trying our best. I just wish..... we were there for her more...." Your mom choked on a sob. Your dad enveloped her in a hug, muffled sobs escaping.

It's crazy how one thing can rip a family apart like this.

So we got seafood today bc my brother's birthday is soon, and I was pretty excited. UNTIL I LEARNED THE SAUCE WAS SPICY :(((. I'm a white bitch, my tolerance for spices isn't very high. I literally had to listen to sad music and read sad quotes so I could get in the mood for this chapter. I hope it was okay haha. Make sure you vote and see you next chapter !