Butterfly🦋 (oikawa x reader)

Chapter 34

Trigger warning: implications of anxiety. I'll mark the start and end of it ^^

Hm.... the notes don't sound right. I know I'm playing the song right. It's almost like I'm listening to it underwater, only the echoes touching my ears.

A wrong note snapped you out of your thoughts. You slid your hands off the keys with a sigh. You were contemplating backing out of the piano competition on Sunday. You couldn't even play halfway through the song without messing it up. The only thing that was ensuring your attendance at the competition was Oikawa, who was being super encouraging and patient with you. Your parents had already discussed with you about the contest, saying that they were okay with whatever option you chose. They knew you were taking grandma's death hard and didn't want to pressure you. Your brother seemed indifferent to the whole ordeal. Ever since she died, your brother has been masking his emotions more, not the same cheery person as before.

You had been struggling to sleep the past few nights (its Friday, two days after the last chapter) and also haven't been up to eating that much. You felt hungry, but you for some reason, you were scared to actually eat. Not only that, your mood swings were the worst. You didn't know why you went from happy to throwing shit at the wall. It just happened.

"Er-um, it's okay ! Let's try again, yeah ?" Oikawa asked in a cheerful voice. You mustered up a small smile.

"Sure," you replied, starting the song again. You had been going at this for two hours and the only progress you had made was successfully depleting your energy and patience. You had almost no motivation to play piano anymore. It used to be so fulfilling and fun, but now you just couldn't draw any emotions out of it.

Alright, I'm doing well so far. The notes sound okay. But it feels weird. Something is missing......

The next wrong note rang in your head, reverberating throughout your body. Oikawa frowned slightly before reaching out and taking your hand off the piano.

"I think it's time for a break..." you looked up at Oikawa, who gave you a warm smile. Your pent up frustration released itself with a sigh. Oikawa cupped your face and squished your cheeks, a smile wiggling onto your lips. A giggle escaped Oikawa and he brushed his lips against your forehead. He pulled you into a hug, and you immediately reciprocated the gesture. You both sat on the bench for a while before you sat upright, cracking your knuckles determinedly.

"Alright. I'm going to play it right this time !" You said confidently. Oikawa smirked then ruffled your hair.

"Yes you are !" You beamed up at him before turning to the piano. You took a deep breath, setting your hands on the keys.

I don't know why, but it feels different this time. I feel a lot more motivated than before.

Your fingers glided across the keys carefully, like if you pressed down too hard the piano would shatter. The notes flowed better this time.

This is good. I'm doing well so far. I can hear the notes and the song sounds nice.

🚨Trigger warning🚨

Just as you thought that, a wave of panic flooded through you. In your eyes, your fingers appeared chubby, too fat to play the right notes. You noticed the thickness of your wrists, and how they seemed bigger than before. Your breathing hitched.

Why do I look like this ? Is it okay that it sounds good ? Is it okay that I feel this happy right after grandma's death ? It isn't fair to her that I'm like this. Why should I be happy when she died ? What is happening ? Why ?