- Langst One-Shots

-I can't get away. [✩]

[Trigger Warning; Attempted Suicide, Self-Harm mention, eating disorders]

this chapter as a whole goes a lot deeper than most of my books about depression, and I really don't want people to start believing it's true because it isn't. If you think it'll upset you, then please don't read it, I don't wanna be the reason someone ends up losing someone they care about, or someone I care about. Please remember that you are loved, and that it's all in your head. I love you all dearly, please talk to me or someone you trust if you're feeling troubled.

[Klance]

———

Even with his clouded memory, his automatic reaction was disappointment as he stumbled from the pod yet again. Morbid, yes— but the tall boy couldn't help but feel as such just from the thought that he was still alive to live another day.

Caught up in his numbing thoughts, he hadn't noticed the crew standing around him. Each and every one of their faces were creased— every crease practically oozing with an uncomfortable amount of worry and concern. He hadn't even had time to process what he'd done this time to land himself there yet again.

The voices around him began to speak, but they were only numbing vibrations as he became increasingly aware of a tingling sensation on his legs. Thin white lines decorated his thighs and arms in a sickening way. His memories began to flash in fragments, making him raise his hand to grip his skull which felt like it was being split in two. He groaned.

The cool floor made contact with his frail legs, sending a wave of small bumps up and down his body. He shivered into the arms wrapped around him. Another thing he'd yet to notice from his descent.

"Can you all stop eyeing me down?" His throat was dry and made his words come out patched from the lack of hydration. The group became silent almost immediately, Shiro being the first to speak up. "Lance, we need to talk about this." He pressed. His words were gentle but stern only because he cared and yet Lance took his words of concern as the leader only caring because without Lance at his best the team would be messed up. In conclusion, he was being selfish by not eating, not sleeping, and cutting open his arms and legs like it was a butcher shop.

"Talk about what?" Of course he played that card— he even bothered to slip on that annoying little smirk to try and throw the team off. It was pointless though. Everyone knew what he was and what he did to himself by now, which was exactly why he still put it on in a way. Because maybe then they would just leave him be, let him die in peace. It's be easy to find a new paladin— Blue already threw him away like he was nothing. Even after he consoled in her about his problems he was rejected. Imagine that? Being hated so much even a giant Blue space cat even rejects you. That's gotta sting.

"Lance, don't play dumb." Keith whispered from behind him. Oh, so that's who was behind him. He stared down at the now healed and scarred over wounds on his thighs. He ran his finger over all of the little white lines left behind as constant reminder. It was horrible in reality. The way his fingers ran over the scarred flesh like it was some sort of accomplishment. The way the eyes in the room could see straight through him by now.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Mullet." He chuckled playfully, jostling his body around.

"Lance, please," The boy only gripped tighter. Lance's body tensed but he forced himself to maintain a smile. He kept silent for a moment.

"I'm tired." He said before promptly getting up and leaving.

-

The next morning Lance awoke on his own. Keith day in the chair across from him. His eyes were half lidded. Being both exhausted and malnourished really took a toll on your body. Of course he'd been in the pod, but it could only do so much. He wondered if maybe one day in the future it would be able to heal more. Maybe internal scars would one day be somewhat equivalent to outside ones.

Because the thing that sucks about mental illness is that sometimes it just feels like there's no escape aside from living a life of tests and pills until you die. He never understood the point. He just felt helpless, and he felt trapped as if he was going to stay trapped because at this point he'd forgotten true happiness. He had nothing but these dull thoughts spinning in his head for who knows how long, and at this point it was just routine.

For the first time in a while he had the least bit of motivation to take care of himself like a basic human being. It made him feel disgusting and pathetic how he could barely even bring himself to shower, to do his hair— brush his teeth. He felt numb. Not happy, not sad, it was just an endless abyss of nothingness and he'd been off his meds for months. No one even knew he was on meds which was likely why they weren't doing something stupid like sneaking it into his food or pining him down to force him to take them.

With a screech the water sputtered from the spout. Lance watched to liquid slump down the drain for a moment before he turned on the shower. He dropped his clothes on the floor and sat at the bottom, the warm water sloshing around his feet. He stared down at his legs— they were so thin, he was practically just a skeleton. He could feel his rib cage press against his thighs, and yet when he gripped at the appendage there seemed to still be too much fat.

Before he knew it, his tears began to become a part of his shower just as his blood did. And even sooner, his eyes were closed in a peaceful bliss, and yet again posed for an escape from this world.

.
.
.

But yet again, a certain raven haired boy rushed in at the last minute, fulfilling his promise to a drunken former blue paladin to never let him leave this world by his own hands.

Lance woke up astonishingly— wondering how after oh-so many attempts his body had managed to revive itself again and again. He was sure to crash soon even without the attempts. His skin was cold, scarred, and he probably hadn't eaten in at least a few weeks. It was a miracle he'd managed this much.

Aside from that, Lance's ears rung from his awakening. Yet this time it wasn't the usual. In his slumber, he had heard a beep. One continuous, long held beep, before it was silenced momentarily and then replaced with several misplaced ones. But that wasn't the ringing either. It was odd to even describe it as a beep, actually. It was human. It was crying. Full on hysterical break down crying.

The beeping distracted Lance and yet his eyes still stung from the white lights surrounding him. He now noticed the cries were muffled, and saw the cluster of frazzled messy black hair on the side of his bed.

"You're crying."

Keith looked up with red rimmed eyes with a matching nose. His cheeks were frigates from the tears which his his freckles a bit. Not that you could see much of it— his hair was everywhere. He looked like he'd been crying for hours. Lance felt guilty.

"I.. I th-thought I lost you."

Lance looked away. It was silent.

"I guess I can't get away from you, huh?"

A dry laugh. A pained laugh.

"Not if I have anything to say about it. I'm a man of my word, baby." He kissed Lance's promise ring with a sad smile on his face.

———

I kinda tried something new? Anywho the next chapter will likely be just,, pure fluff. Something funny n sweet just because :)

I hope you're all doin' okay! 💖💖💖

Also !! Check out my Deku one-shots book if ya want! :>