After the rebellion | Part 1

Chapter 4

-Peeta

Katniss just left to go back home, did I do something wrong? Did I do something to upset her? Does she hate me? Does she love me? How does she feel about me? Does she really mean it that she missed me? Why would she miss me? I thought by now she would have had another boyfriend and would've been all loved up with him. This doesn't weigh out right.

She gave me a friendly hug goodbye. That was nice, it reminded me of how things used to be before the capitol hijacked me and used me as a weapon to break Katniss.

There's no point me standing around this lake waiting for her to come back and confess her love to me, I'd have more luck learning to swim by myself in that lake- there's no chance.

I walk back to Victors Village by myself slowly, absorbing the view of the rebuilding of district 12. I walk through the gate and past Katniss' house. It's getting quite late now so I pick up my pace and as I walk past Katniss' house I can't help myself but look through her front window, it shows her living room I think?

I reach my door, unlocking it with my key and pushing it wide open. It feels so nice to have my own space, but on the other hand, it shouldn't be like this. It should be me and Katniss. The both of us in the same house, sharing the same bed, sharing the same love and affection, it's not. It's just me by myself in this big house, this big bed and sharing my love with someone who doesn't love me back.

I make my way up to my bedroom and go straight towards my bed. I don't bother changing; my clothes still smell like her, I at least need to keep her smell to help me get through this one night, just this one. I fall asleep without a problem.

**

3am -

I wake up shaking. What just happened? Where's Katniss? I look around the room. Confused. Where could she be? That's when I realise it was a nightmare. Katniss is safe and loved up with some other boy. He's there protecting her from the outside world and the nightmares I know she has each night. That should be me. That should be me with my arms wrapped around her fragile, broken body and whispering soothing words and how 'everything's going to be okay' into her ear to calm her down. That should be me kissing her lips and cheeks softly each night and when she wakes up. That should be me telling her that I love her. That should be me with her. Not him.

I have to stop myself thinking about her. Thinking about her and that boy isn't going to make me feel any better about myself and it most certainly isn't going to make her come back to me and run into my arms without hesitation. I over think too much... but maybe I don't? maybe I'm just madly in love with Katniss Everdeen, just as I have been since I was five and I first heard her sing the valley song.