dysthymia | zhong chenle

하나

trebuchet MS is recommended :)

following starting quotes are all lyrics from songs. i do not claim any of them. the quotes in alexithymia were made by me unless referenced otherwise 

welcome to ask which song the quote is from in the comments. i will happily reply

¤━━━¤

❝ the true meaning of tears is
"i truly loved you" ❞

¤━━━¤

a bouquet of black dahila's were placed softly against the cold stone, a gush of wind ruffling his ever navy hair. a silky bead slipped down his cheek, pattering silently against the tortuous slate, shivering words engraved into it

joo hyejin
2001-2019
"a queen without a crown"

his knees hit the ground, his head buried low as his fingers stretched out to light the muted candle. sparks of fire erupted from the device, the candle lighting up in simmering waves of sorrow.

his eyes fluttered shut, his lips parted. breaths heavy with guilt fanned onto the grave, the rustling of leaves barely audible. bowing his head to touch softly against the ground, he lifted it up in a cycle, continuing it 3 times. his heart remained detached from the outer world and his eyes drowned with the darkness of regret. 

it wasn't long until he rose from the ground, his back turned to the stone and his eyes adjusting once again to the light of the present. it was a heavy silence in the atmosphere, his breaths becoming the only thing audible to him.

until a violent rustling made him flash his eyes towards a bush, an anonymous figure with a black attire desperately trying to camouflage against the leaves.

his feet had a mind of its own, weaving his way towards the figure until a matured voice had made him halt

"chenle, we need to go. taeyong's getting impatient" a familiar bright orange headed poking out the van window.

chenle hadn't spoken to taeyong in a way a child would to his father ever since, instead the two acted like strangers, only talking when they needed to to maintain their gang business

chenle had considered quitting NCT, and is still considering. but the memories kept him put, and sometimes, he wished that he had never met hyejin

it would've been much easier that way, wouldn't it?

with a moments of hesitation, chenle gave in to the orders and made his way back to the van, his body sliding comfortably into the seat

the exact same seat hyejin had once fallen asleep on him before

three years, three years and the scar was still fresh. it couldn't even be considered a scar, more like a cut that reopens every time it was touched. it hurt more the days where his mind unknowingly reminisced when, but on her death day was the day it pierced his skin.

chenle had broken past his alexithymia, emotions now swelling in his heart uncontrollably. at times he would regret curing it, but as soon as the memory of her flashes in, he remembered that she wouldn't hoped he would break out eventually