dysthymia | zhong chenle

여덟

❝ we walk along the exciting path together
covered in stars shining white ❞

¤━━━¤

her dozed off body lay limply in chenle's arms, her head rested up against his neck. as mentioned before, the ride from her house to the base wasn't long, so it only took a matter of time for chenle to give to the soft side of him and for her to completely knock out.

kun and taeyong were placed on hyejin's bed, so hyejin was now sprawled across the couch and winwin busily going to grab the first aid kit. jisung has tagged along too, but he had kept his mouth shut the whole time.

"It amazes me how much you can care for someone who broke your heart" jisung murmured, sitting beside chenle as chenle sat on a stool situated next to the couch hyejin was on

"she can't break my heart if i never had one" he sighed, his eyes locked onto the messy strands of hair streaking down her face

"it's quite evidently you have a heart if you managed to get diagnosed with dysthymia" jisung leant backwards, his palms against the wood of the floor. chenles eyes fell; dysthymia wasn't a bad disease, it was just an ugly one. one that stains someone reputation purely because an emotion of sadness had just woven its way in every other emotion present. it would be unrealistic to say he had never expected dysthymia, because he knew, the moment he thought he had lost her, the skies turned darker and the storms blew stronger. it was a world of war, and even if you can't see it, it fights in your head, until one wins with little to no mercy

"i don't care if i have dysthymia" he finger etched up to scrape against her finger "because i know what my antidote is"

"think realistically chenle, she's...changed and she has reasons to live besides you now, and you need to learn to not merely exist because of her" jisung grasped chenle's wrist, directing it away from hyejin

"let me take care of her, even from afar, even if i can't meet her, even if i can't see her. let me take care of her, keep her safe" his eyes flashed up to jisung's "is that so hard?"

"i..." and the door creaked open, winwin walking in with the first aid kick clutched tightly in his hand. he seemed uneasy, but no one had the guts to talk to him now. two pairs of eyes trailed behind him, but as expected, neither spoke

chenle and jisung's eyes fell back onto hyejin, her body now rolled over so that she was facing the two boys. chenle chewed onto his lip, his breaths coming out staggered.

"letting go is easier said then done" it came out more like a whisper, and the more he stared at her, the more he had hoped he had protected her well enough so that they wouldn't be in this position today

"isn't that the same with most things?" jisung chuckled, dragging chenle up with upmost struggle. the two bowed to winwin ever so slightly in a sign of politeness, but also unfamiliarity. it was like those 4 years, were nothing to either one of them. winwin was just a stranger, and jisung and chenle all the same.

one knowing the truth while the other two refused to listen to it. while they were exiting, chenle caught a glimpse of a jacket hung up along a makeshift clothes hanger, the coat becoming oddly familiar to him. it struck something to him, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

it seemed like one of his, but that was almost as possible as flying pigs

as jisung and chenle closed the door, winwin stopped them, his eyes shooting to meet theirs

"can we, have a talk"

¤━━━¤

the soft ruffling of the leaves left the awkward air even more awkward as jisung went inside to grab a couple of drinks. this was the place near hyejin's university, the place they had shared their first kiss under the spotlight of the moon, and the stars as companion.

the memories stayed vivid, but under the lunar rays and the hush wind, it became like a stopped cartoon. it was frozen in place, and one look in that direction, could throw him into an abyss

the clatters is the cans fell onto the plastic table, jisung slotting his money back in. the youngest sat down, the pile of cans coming to a stop on the flat surface. it was awkward, really awkward. it did make sense though, after all they had been through.

jisung cleared his throat, grabbing his can of beer and flicking it open (y'all shut up, jisung's like 20 in this). the familiar sizzling sound disappeared into the night, chenle going to grab himself one too, followed by winwin as well. no words were exchanged, just a chain of sizzling and bubbling, and the silent gurgling of the liquid. simultaneously, they all smacked their lips.

"you reckon (sorry my australian ass had to) we'll need more?" jisung asked, his hand swiping his pocket for loose change

"yeah" chenle replied simply, jisung still in his futile attempt to find money. then a note and several coins were placed onto the table, the metal hitting the plastic with a gentle clang

jisung's eyes shifted to winwin's, watching his hand retract from the money

"thanks" he stifled, grasping the money with his impossibly big hands and shuffling towards the store

the air sat stiff between winwin and chenle, their scoffs of alcohol only thing audible, until winwin's can clapped against the table

"i'll explain"

chenle perked his eyebrow up, finally meeting winwin's eye. the two chinese kept quiet for another short while, their eyes conveying messages never to be written in words

"explain what" his answer came out quite straightforward, taking another swig of the beverage

"everything" his hand grasped around the tin, the nasty liquid trickling down his skin "why she's alive, why i did what i did, why...we're here"

"wouldn't that be against Stone rules" it was said rather wryly, his head tilted back for the icy liquid to run down his throat.

"i don't want to fight with you" winwin scoffed, taking a swig himself too

"i'm not fighting with you" the chuckle was bitter, no sign of humour behind the words

"chenle" and the can smashed against the table again "i'm trying to help"

"why don't you say that when we needed you?" and the dark headed's halted, the ticking time bomb planted atop of everyone's heads slowing down for a single millisecond, to resume back at its fast paced race

jisung entered back onto the sight, throwing the cans down so it piled up on the table. his eyes widened at the two empty drinks littered across the floor, one belonging to chenle, one belonging to winwin

"it's only been 10 minutes..." he sighed, pulling his chair out to sit between the two. the man on the moon could only shuffle uncomfortably at the disturbing squabble, each past teammates becoming distant enemies.

the tab was yanked off with a disturbing wail, the litter flying towards the ground. jisung grabbed his already open one, a tender sip following the violent sucking of the drink while winwin and chenle seemed to be having a battle of dominance between their gazes

"what's..." jisung's voice cut them off, chenle slumping into into his seat while winwin gulped a whole chunk down.

"i'll explain when he stops being stubborn" winwin's voice roughened up, matching chenle's once honey smooth ones

"is not stubborn" he rebutted almost immediately

"only stubborn people say they aren't stubborn"

"what type of excuse is that"

"a fact can't be an excuse"

"but-"

"can you guys just please, stop fighting." jisung sighed sharply, running a hand through his head. winwin seemed to have quickly settled down his attitude, and faced chenle with upmost sincerity

"hate me, but i'm the reason she's alive"