dysthymia | zhong chenle

열 여섯

❝ you were my future
i was your yesterday ❞

¤━━━¤

"hyejin" he chased after her as she pushed open the convenience store door at the dead of night. hyejin walked in, the twinkle of the bell like a symphony to her as she ignored his calls and explored the isles.

"hyejin" he called once again, the winter breeze tickling him on the nose as he too, entered the store.

"don't follow me" she ran her finger over the snacks, in search for that of her favourite. they've stayed in the hospital for the whole day, and this was the least they could do as substitute for rest before they talked to inho again.

she even started to memorise nurses and hospital staffs names. chenle sighed, hands in pocket as he joined her in the isle.

"you're looking for this right?" he picked up a packet of chips, presenting it in front of hyejin. she scoffed, taking the bag swiftly and moving along to down to the coffee isle.

before she could even press any button on the machine, a finger arrived onto the button before her, her finger laying on top of his as they pressed the same button

"Cappuccino" he muttered, the liquid pouring out of the machine into a paper cup "two packets of sugar" he took the sugar from the stand and poured it in "and extra milk" ripping off the cover, he tipped it in, the white liquid swirling with the brown.

she pursed her lips, letting her eyes wander everywhere besides him as he so accurately recites her exact coffee order.

"Coffee" Chenle brought it to her, her taking it sheepishly.

"Can you memorise something actually important" She took a sip of the coffee, ripping it from her mouth when the liquid skimmed her tongue

"I did" He went over to the cashier "Your coffee order". Rolling her eyes, she took a seat on the bar chairs, placing the cup down while opening the packet of chips.

With two cups of instant noodles, he advanced her, helping her mix hers before sliding it to her. She grunted in thanks and swallowed down the circus in her stomach. Hyejin knew how to calm herself down when she had missed Chenle before, but with the fact that Chenle was right in front of her, it became difficult.

It didn't help when a scarf was looped around her neck, her eyes shooting up and almost choking on her noodles.

"It's colder at night" He muttered, the grey scarf warming the pinkish tint on her neck. Managing to scoff down her noodles that were stuck between her throat, she flinched as he tightened it, eyes fixated on her and lips pulled into a gentle smile.

"You look scared"

"You look scared"

"i-im not"

"are you?"

the memories flew at her at a speed that was too hard to comprehend.

"don't be" he brushed off the dust on her shoulders, the ebony of his eyes connecting with hers "i won't do anything without your consent"

she knew that, because she trusted chenle, but when their relationship is broken, why try fix something that's evidently unfixable

"when have i ever been scared of y-" she was pulled forwards by the scarf, the chair scraping along the floor as their faces met with a distance of barely a few centimetres.

the wolf of the night whistled while their world enclosed on them, a barrier between reality and fantasy building itself among the two. they all say time travelling is done through a machine, but when it's done through the mind, the heart follows. it took them back to the bliss of their relationship, and the arguments that moulded who they were today.

"even now?" he whispered, smile unmoving with the stars reflection in his eyes. she gulped, apologetic to her voice box for uttering no words despite her desperation. she wasn't scared of chenle, she was scared of them. it was like how alice fell down the rabbit hole into wonderland. she fell down once, and entered wonderland, but once she came out of it, is there even another one to get back in?

"get off m-" she tried to escape, but was pulled back all the same, the proximity lessening with every tug.

the instant noodles were cold by now, the chip packet open to the flies and insect. but none of that seemed to matter when you had your own little imaginary world where there are no cold instant noodles and insects.

"which bit of 'we don't belong together' don't you understand?" she breathed, the air suddenly colder than it was before.

"all of it" chenle replied without an ounce of hesitance "make me understand. say you hate me. look at me and say you hate me"

"i already told you before. you kissed me, and i felt nothing. get it though your god damn head" the grip on the scarf loosened, but she was nailed to her chair. she didn't move, she couldn't.

"you still remember the kiss" he pulled up a smile, finger trailing to her chin to pull it towards him, their eyes locking once again. again, she was speechless. she remembered the kiss, every detail of it.

"that proves nothing" she tried to let her eyes drop, but chenle jerked her chin right back at him as if to force her emotions to show.

"we can't be together, it's a given, so stop trying" she put her hand on his wrist, attempting to rip it off her.

"you're not with Stone anymore hyejin. there isn't an excuse."

that hit her hard. it was true, she wasn't with Stone anymore. she could no longer use her survival as the reason for them to be apart, nor could she use her emotions as she knew the words 'i hate you' can never hold truth if spoken from her mouth to chenle.

"what's going to happen once inho is put into jail huh? am i going to go back to nct? to be found by cube and starship again? am i going to live in that blown up base? am i going to go back to Stone after knowing my boss sold me without a bat off an eye?" she rambled, in which chenle could on stop her when his hands went to clutch her arms reassuringly

"what do i have left chenle?" she flickered her eyes to him, the ambition she once had faded to leave a dim ghost between the ashes of her eyes.

"life isn't all that easy, and i have no where to go." her voice shook "i've ran all my life, and just as i thought i didn't need to run again, it pushed me back into the ruthless race"

he let her continue

"i'm tired of running" she admitted, eyes searching for an answer in his "ive lost my education, lost my reputation, lost my connections, lost my home...i even lost my existence"

he scrunched his brow in confusion, then winwin's conversation with him that day at the convenience store flashed into mind. he remembered, winwin had explained everything, and all of a sudden, he felt all her pain.

"i..." she was then pulled into a hug, chenle's hands fluently stroking through her hair as her head nuzzled into his neck, her hands clutching the material of his shirt so tight as if to say she'd lose him too if she was to ever let go.

"i'm so scared" the familiar scent of his body was the only thing that she could smell, and she was glad that no matter what, he always appeared at the right times.

"you can cry" it was an offer, and he felt a gentle chuckle against his neck.

"i'm scared i'm going to lose you too"

chenle held the glass like girl closer to him, eyes closed tightly. he won't lose her again, not this time.

"i'll be your teacher and you friend, your home and your reason. i'll be everything you want me to be." he was glad when her clutch loosened on his shirt "you won't lose me, even if you try"

"chenle" she inhaled and looked up towards him "if i push you away, run back to me, ok?"