dysthymia | zhong chenle

열 일곱

❝ i did it all with a smile on my face ❞

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"what?!" she yelled over the phone, jeno on the other line flinching at the volume. the bustling of the hospital ceased, all eyes locked on her furious body.

chenle, who was fast asleep across the metal chairs beside her, jolted in shock, letting out an ugly snort.

"how?! jeno what the f-" she looked at chenle, who groaned and dropped his head once again, smashing it against the back of the metal seat. she pursed her lips, taking a step away to let the boy sleep.

"listen to me, you need to find him" She cupped her hands over her mouth, desperately murmuring into the phone

"how? he left his phone at the hospital"

"inhos gone jeno" she huffed "if we don't find him, all of us are going to be in danger"

"i'll talk to ten. just calm down, we've got it"

"you better have" she dropped her hand, body fuel with the flames of anger and burned with the ashes of defeat. it was partly her fault inho escaped as she and chenle had visited the convenience store earlier for a breather. no staff would've been actively awake as it was indeed in the dead of night

"he's gone?"

she whipped around at the voice, noticing chenle's nest like hair and eyes drawn with exhaustion. she rolled her eyes "if you didn't have to say so much nonsense yesterday maybe we would've caught him before he ran"

chenle, surprisingly, stopped himself from arguing right back. he knew her, and he knew she was just frustrated and looking for a punching bag. so he let himself be it.

"we should've just gotten the noodles and come straight back, heck, the store is like 2 minutes away! and-and if we didn't...act so stupid we could've even seen him walk past" she tore out her hair, taking heavy steps towards him "if you had just kept your mouth shut about your emotions then i wouldn't have distracted myself. we cant lose him, he's going to kill me, you, everyone"

she threw a fist at his chest, chenle stumbling backwards yet his eyes never wavered from hers.

"what was i even thinking last night! it's so stupid. why must everything go wrong when we're together!? i would've been fine living in stone if it weren't for your appearance and i would be fine if you just never showed up!" she stopped as soon as those words left her mouth. chenle looked down at her blankly, blinking a couple time before nodding

"your not going to say anything?" she breathed, watching as chenle silently took their bags off the floor and slung it around his shoulder "what's there to say?"

"tell me that i'm wrong-" she grasped his wrist when he began walking away, his head turned right towards her

"i don't lie"

"last night, you promise me you wouldnt-"

"it was all nonsense, wasn't it?"

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"winwin" it has been quite a while since her and winwin had had a proper conversation.

"what's up?" he said nonchalantly as if the world isn't crumbling by the second. she sighed, head leant back as she fluttered her eyes shut. not one day has passed without eye bags and chapped lips. it was tiring, and the hamster ball she was thrown in never seemed to stop

"did i change?"

winwin almost crashed the car at that question, but reared back onto the road. they were heading towards starships base to help yangyang and jeno with the investigation.

"what do you mean?"

"i keep saying words i don't mean" she mopped her face with her hands

"what, are you drunk?" he earned a hit on the shoulder for that

"i keep hurting him when everything seems to get better. our life isn't a roller coaster, it's a whole bungee jumping experience. when are we going to stop flailing around on a piece of wire?"

"sounds like a you problem" winwin got another whack to the head "ok ok, sorry"

"can you be serious for once" she groaned, sinking further down into her seat

"is that a rhetorical question" he was glad that were quick to pull up alongside the familiar base as soon as hyejin's fist came hurtling at him.

the two clambered off, spotting a few more nct members than she was told. renjun stood at the sight with gloves on beside chenle, who stood like a rock next to him. it reminded her of what he was like when they first met, it felt almost nostalgic

she advanced to chenle's side, clearing her throat when she arrived next to him. his eyes seemed to be fixed on something nonexistent, and it was blank, unlike it what it usually was

"take this-" renjun straightened himself up to shove a plastic bag into chenle's arms, in which he took it without another word from his mouth

renjun glanced between chenle and hyejin, sensing that something was definitely wrong. being the logical person he is, he slipped away, handing an extra pair of earpiece into chenle's hands

"here" chenle grabbed her hand, and placed the earpiece into her palms. she had distinctly noticed that it was jisung's old one, the same one she had used on missions back when she was with nct.

chenles hand was on the brink of retracting when hyejin's fingers slid through his, the earpiece between their palms. the dark haired male fluttered his eyes shut, exhaling through his nose as if to keep his emotions in place

"you don't want to do this to me" he uttered, head thrown back as their hands continued to thread together, the nostalgia running through their veins.

"sorry" she purses her lips "for before". chenle snapped his eyes open, attaching his eyes to her once again and pulling their hands towards him, hyejin flying to meet his face.

chenle flickered his eyes between her eyes and her lips, their grip around the earpiece tighter as they began to envision the memories through each other eyes again. their first kiss under the lamp post, and their last goodbye inked with blood.

his ever trembling breaths fogged her skin, eyes flashing with hunger. it felt as he had been starving for 3 years, only to see his feast in front of him. his heart that was a caged lion seemed to pounce around with fear.

he knew what was the right thing to do, and what he wanted to do. narrowing his eyes down to the pink butterfly of her lips, he leant in, hyejin stumbling backwards in preparation.

their ebony eyes closed for a brief second, before chenle halted right before the impact

"this is wrong, isn't it" his voice was so soft it couldn't have unsettled a lake. she opened her eyes to see his gaze, his iris seemed to have a debate running over and over in his head.

"you're dating someone" he swallowed. a pant of realisation hit her, eyebrows knitted at how her lie got slightly out of hand

"lele" it really has been a while since she's said his nickname "winwin's not my boyfriend"

she was desperate for the relief

"what-"

"Code Red guys! Cube incoming!"

sorry for the short chapter, and long wait. i promise i will update more regularly 😅