dysthymia | zhong chenle

삼십육

❝ only fools fall for you ❞

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"what?" he couldn't believe his ears.

"what you're doing right now isn't just child's play; it's spoliation and tampering with evidence chenle. not only is that so morally incorrect but it's illegal" she ran a hand through her hand, recklessly pacing around with her frustration "i'm not going to date a criminal"

a criminal

such a harsh way of putting it though oddly true. perhaps truth is the harshest reality.

"so this is the way you want to break up." he slowly nodded his head, overwhelmed with everything that was going on in this exact moment

"yes, yes this is the way i want to break up. i dated you for your personality, you're thoughtfulness and the way you've always treated me like top priority. i don't want to feed your greed" she took a step back with eyebrows furrowed and stones collecting in her shoe.

he was silent for a moment, his teeth taking hostage of his lips

"give the bullet in chenle, for nct sake" she tried to tone it down but she saw the inner debate in chenles eyes.

"you're going to leave tomorrow, hyejin. and it'll be back to 3 years ago. i could wait for you 4 years, 5, 6, 7 and i would never get tired. but i don't want a repeat of you acting up on me and pretending you don't even know me again. i don't want to risk that"

she swallowed

"let's break up chenle. let's end all this stupid stupid child's play between us two" she threw her hands down beside her, voice breaking within words. maybe this would make chenle give in to handing in the bullet, maybe this would make their last goodbye less painless.

"child's play?" chenle nodded "so this was all child's play."

her eyes danced away from, rocking around on the balls of her feet. it was the same thing as whether you would rather kill two older woman or one young man.

"you have to understand that this is more than just what we want, eventually, i'll still have to break up with you. it isn't a choice, it's an obligation. i'll be in TOP and you know how serious they are with cross dati-" she was pulled into his embrace, his head nuzzled into her neck as he encaged her firmly

"don't break up with me hyejin" his voice softened and like a child, he found comfort in her presence. looking up, she couldn't help but blink one marbled tear away

"please don't break up with me" chenles voice broke.

she even contemplated it for a second, but decided against it. For what needs to be done, needs to be done. Everyone makes hard decisions in life, but when one is more of a qualification, it's simply easier to choose the safer option.

again, that's the thing. it's safer, but what can safety do besides put bars around you?

"get off me" she needed to just end it once and for all; quick and sweet. her only excuse for breaking up with him was him tampering with nct's evidence. all in all, she had to use something.

"i'm sorry. im sorry for being selfish i'm sorry for being thoughtless and i'm sorry for everything i've done that's hurt you. but please, let me stay by your side" he was practically begging at this point

"chenle" she squeezed her eyes, beginning to struggle against his grip

"stay with me, by my side." he whispered, his voice running down her ear tauntingly.

she was trying so hard not just break down in front of him "i like you chenle, i really do. but no amount of love between us two could stop time. we move on with our life, and winwin's right-"

"stop mentioning that disgusting traitor!" he pulled away from her, eyes slicing into her wide ones. she flinched at how loud his voice grew, mouth falling open in shock.

"he likes you hyejin, he god damn likes you yet he keeps becoming the reason for you to leave me. have you thought that no matter what happens, you're going to be with winwin. the same guy who caused this mess"

"he's my friend, heck, one of my closest. he may be the same guy who caused this mess but he is also the same guy that kept me alive. i owe him my life" she sighed, brushing chenle off her "the only reason you guys keep talking about him like he's some criminal is because none of you have truly want to listen to him. he has his reasons and he's more than the guy 'who betrayed his family'. if you would just listen-"

chenle let out a sharp breath, wrapping his hands around her cheek and pulling her in, placing his lips on hers. her body crashed into his, angled in a way that chenle was dominating over her every action. she didn't return it for a second, but the moment she felt his sincerity and desperation, she gave in, just for a second. her hands clasped around his arms to stable herself as he clung so defeatedly to her reddening cheeks.

she wasn't sure if it was the slight spitting of the rain or a tear, but she felt a precious jewel roll down her cheek.

the stars never aligned for them, they eclipsed to create a inky hole over them. they should've never meant, they should've never even gotten this far. when all the worlds wanted them apart, it was just a death sentence to attempt to get together.

chenle pulled away, forehead over hers as their breaths became heavier with the weighing tension.

"i don't like the sound of another man's name come out of your mouth"

she fluttered her eyes shut. all the times she's said something that's hurt him and all the times she's done to subtly protect him while being extremely morally incorrect. all the time she's hated herself for doing the more ethical decision

all the times she's almost lost him, he ran right back

"he's just a friend, you know that" she murmured back.

"just...don't break up with me. don't break up with me and i'll do anything"

"all i'm asking is to give the bullet in"

again, he hesitated. he knew full well of the consequences.

"okay" he replied "okay, i'll do it"

but she still had a problem. she was going to dread their goodbye.

breaking up was the escape route, the one that would make everything all a bit less painful

"we won't be able to last when i leave" she breathed, brushing his matted hair back from the slight rain. they were lucky it was pouring.

"long distance, we can do long distance"

"it'll be too much of a risk. if the TOP boss finds out that i have connection with you, worse case scenario: i would get execution. let's break up, even if it's just now, let's break up." she brushed the pad of her thumb across his cheek

"hyejin..."

"breaking up doesn't mean it's over, it's sand that finished falling from an hour glass. but there is no rules that we can't turn it over, and start again, no matter the wait"

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unedited ~

i wasn't meant to have another arguing/predominantly dialogue chapter but dysthmia is coming to an end soon

i've got the next couple chapter planned so hopefully i can begin to really start updating this and finish it off