dysthymia | zhong chenle

삼십칠

❝ i remember like it's yesterday ❞

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"it's a mess, it's all a mess" she banged her head on the newly built table which jisung had boasted about for the past week.

"stop banging your head, you're going to give yourself a concussion" winwin placed his hand under her head. nct's second and hopefully last trial had just passed and they were sat at a nearby cafe. chenle did end up giving the bullet in but the two hadnt talked since their last argument.

chenle and hyejin had always fought when they were in a relationship, and when they weren't, they would always lead each other on. it was a confusing relationship.

all the other members had returned which left winwin and hyejins situated in the cozy cafe.

"everything's been revealed: who sent the request to kill the stone employee, inhos past...everything's out. but why do i feel so...unsatisfied?" she sighed, leaning her head against her arm.

"maybe you're just upset that we're leaving tomorrow. maybe you've clung onto the memories more than you thought" winwin sighed along with her, brushing the messy strands off her face. the moment his finger touched her skin, she sat up, the confession that chenle had told her yesterday flickered into mine.

"winwin likes you, he god damn likes you"

does he?

fiddling with her fingers, she sat uneasy on her seat with thoughts that never left her mind. even though they've just won their trial and starship with inho are legally getting handled by the government, everything was still a mess in her head.

"hey winwin?" anyone could tell her voice was on edge.

"are you...ok?" winwin rose his eyebrows, glancing at her with concern.

"why did you save me back then? you know, the day i basically killed myself" she looked up at him, and he saw the message behind her iris. there could be no lies anymore

"everything i did for nct wasn't fake and while i was in there, they were my family. and...the first time i saw you...hah, it's ridiculous. i just quietly watched you and chenle hit it off while i did what i can to get close to you. when you two started dating, i couldn't do anything but wish you the best. nct thinks my whole existence is fake, but it wasn't. from the friendships i've gained to all the moments i've spent with you, nothing was fake. neither was my feelings for you" he let out a reminiscent laugh.

"but how about...now?" there was no way winwin could've liked her for more than 3 years

"now?" he suddenly seemed nervous "well, i guess they say your feelings never change for the one you've fallen for"

she paused, mouth falling open slightly as the inside of her mouth became dry. everything was becoming increasingly complicated and she really just wanted to escape for one single second.

"why didn't you confess while we were in stone? it would've been a prime time"

"because i knew you'd find you way back to chenle one way or another"

she didn't want to pity winwin, but all of a sudden, she did. unreciprocated love was something so deadly, four words of 'i don't like you' could crumble a heart with one pinch of a finger.

"i dont know...what to say" she breathed, glancing outside to avert her eyes.

"i know you don't like me the same way you like chenle, and i'm not asking you to like me. i've shot my shot before and it didn't turn out, it's simply bad luck. we're friends hyejin, we have been and we've grown so close over those years. lovers or not, i hope we can still brighten each others day with a lame joke or playful bump of a shoulder"

this side of winwin was the side nct was refusing to right now. the words traitor and betrayal kept overpowering the true winwin, the winwin who had the kindest heart and the winwin who would take a bullet for another.

"i'm happy you saved me winwin" she smiled, pulling her hand over to ruffle his chestnut hair "and i hope nct can see what i see in you"

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"hyejin are you leaving?" jungwoo asked as he watched her lug down a several duffel bags down the stairs. the whole of nct had gathered to see her go, except one: chenle.

"yeah, it's about time" she chuckled, winwin taking her bags off her to carry it onto the van.

"hopefully we can come across in a mission, whether it be to kill each other or not" she joked

"what about you and chenle?" jisung asked, holding it together seeing his best friend leave.

"uh" she noticed winwin turn around to take another bag from her hand, casting her a reassuring smile.

"winwin" taeyong stepped forward from the crowd. when turned around with his eyes lit up, in hopes to get any type of forgiveness.

"i wish you well. don't always leave your room a mess and remember to always take something to eat with you in morning mission. we may not listen to you now, but we will eventually. be safe out there, and be the person you always have been for hyejin" those words from taeyong comforted winwin, giving him one painfully happy smile.

"thanks, taeyong, from the bottom of my heart"

hyejin was happy for the two, sighing contently as she helped winwin baggage his stuff onto the van along with her. though, she was slightly disappointed that chenle didn't even come to send her off.

just as her thoughts flickered to that, chenle appeared within the crowd with a nest of messy hair and a pale face.

"chen-" she began

"winwin" chenle didn't even look at hyejin "can we talk"

"uh what, sure?" winwin looked at hyejin in confusion, then back at chenle. she shrugged, and gestured for him to leave with a smile.

leaving the bags next to hyejin, winwin hopped off the car and followed him down the newly built office hallways. hyejin's designed blueprint and designs were amazing, and dare i say, even better from the last.

"winwin i...im just feeling a colossal of emotions right now and as much as i dislike you, please take care of hyejin for me" the younger messed up his already destroyed hair, painting his face was his hands.

"i find it hard to say goodbye, since a goodbye means we won't see each other again till the next hello. what i'm terrified of is that we won't ever get our hello, and then...it'll be the same thing again. the same horrible period of my life where everything seemed to just cave in on me. i know everything she's done is for nct and my own good, but why does something done for my own good have to be so painful" he vented, taking a breath

"just make sure she's not overworked with missions and don't send her out on combat trips. keep her inside and try to get them to give her some sort of engineering job; we all know how talented she is at that thing. keep her fed and make sure to buy her favourite snacks from time to time. she has slight claustrophobia so if you can, you two should get a slightly bigger room. when you're on missions, keep an eye on her, don't let anything happen to-"

"chenle, i've done this exact things for 3 years, i can promise you she'll be safe with me" winwin placed a hand on chenles shoulder "and hey, i'll willingly leave that 'lovers' section of her life for you. she doesn't like me in that way, i know that. she'll find her way back to you like she always does"

chenle chuckled "you're really not the person we all thought you were"

winwin lifted his shoulders and dropped it with a muted pained smile "it'll all be a matter of time where nct understands my initial intentions"

"thanks, i mean it"

"you sure you don't want to see her off?"

"as you said, she'll find her way back to me, so i'll save my goodbye for the day of our death"

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oops more dialogue apologiesss, promise next couple will not just be pure dialogue

i've got some big plans planned