dysthymia | zhong chenle

스물하나

❝ even if i give my all to you
it's not going to be enough ❞

¤━━━¤

her eyes were fixed on a distant figure who
stared at them with intent eyes. guilt grew in her heart pretty quickly, but she knew she did the right thing. the man who stood a distance away told her that she didn't make a mistake, his chestnuts eyes boring into the scene in front of him.

"chenle, lets stay away from each other" her voice was a mere whisper, and her eyes didn't leave the figure across the room who seemed to be relieved that hyejin did what she did.

she stood up, refusing to even glance at chenle in the fear of breaking down. they keep getting taken back to square one and it was frustrating for them both, but amidst all the chaos, it was something that must be done to ensure both of their safety.

but the scars she had left in his heart was more painful than any physical wounds he had endured. she had trampled over the ice of his heart, to leave muddy footprints inked so dirtily on the surface of the ice

she didn't mean to, she just needed to do what's right

a hand caught her wrist as she took her first step away, the grip firm with a hint of plead. he seemed broken, almost as if he couldn't believe all the unfortunate events that were happening to him

"why do you keep leading me on" his grip felt warm in her hand, slotting together so perfectly yet held so much pain

"stop playing with me hyejin" you could hear the wavering in his voice "but you know what's worse?"

she couldn't drop her gaze from the male several metres away from her, feeling his threatening look.

"the fact that i would let you play with me a million times over and over again, than let you leave me"

his persistency stabbed at her

she closed her eyes, inhaling sharp breaths of uncertainty. she could hear the patters of the figures feet advancing them, her heart fighting for dominance over what she wants and what's right.

what was unknown to chenle, was the figure across from her was TOP's boss, and who she assumed was winwin had called over today. chenles grip tightened, his eyes squeezed shut and she could physically feel his body trembling.

"stay away from chenle, you'll need to eventually"

she knew what winwin meant by this. TOP was a mafia gang and so was nct, if they were to ever join TOP, then any outside relationship was forbidden. it was common sense, and the rule itself didn't have any flaws.

"zhong chenle" it was below a whisper, her hand folding into fist with his hand encasing it

her eyes shot into the eyes of TOPs boss, then flickering over to to the figure who seemed to join the elder man, the new figure being winwin. winwin looked at her with upmost panic: he knew the algorithm of mafia gangs.

she glanced down at chenle and seeing his eyes stare right back at her; she could see the fear.

the fear of being left alone

when chenle saw her eyes rip away from his, he let his knees hit the ground, and his hand drop from around hers. she didn't look at him, she didn't even shift her body in the slightest.

she had closed her eyes, and let a tear roll down her cheeks.

in a decision that seemed as if there were no right answers, she felt trapped, suffocating in a box that had no openings. like a stray animal who was left alone in the dimmed streets with no owner or guardian. it lay lost, and searching for somewhere or something that told her