dysthymia | zhong chenle

여섯

❝i try telling myself that i'll be alright
but at the end of the day, it's you again❞

¤━━━¤

the words came out fast, her brain slower than her mouth.

"chenle i-"

"ok" his eyes flashed with torment, but his voice said otherwise "i've gotten the hint"

hyejin's words were tied up, all the mountains of phrases she wanted to spill out to him never came, her eyes only staring in a silent frenzy.

chenle forced a smile at her, before walking back to the entrance, hyejin's hand shooting to hold chenle back. she had dug herself a hole, and there was no way a dead man could dig themselves out of their own grave.

"chenle listen to me"

"i have" his eyes remained on the ground

"everything's just really complicated right and...i'll-i'll explain it-"

"don't touch my hand" chenle's voice seemed raucous, on the brink of breaking "i don't want to be mistaken again"

her touch left his, feeling all the emotions doing summersaults in her throat, pushing to get out.

"lele" it came out as a whimper, chenle finally willing to turn around, but his eyes held no stars, no constellations. it held the sad night sky, a single shooting star glistening as it falls and crashes.

it was like them

hopeful but not successful

"please do me a favour" chenle's adam's apple bobbed up "and stop making me fall for you all over again"

¤━━━¤

the soft, feathery coat lay between her fingers, her body slumped against her bed. she didn't want to care, she really didn't, but chenle had a power to grasp her even if she was water. she was so afraid she'd fall for him yet again, but the truth was, she never fell out of love with him in the first place

he became her most prized possession, yet she'd already lost him because of her stubbornness. he gave her a chance, she blew it.

it was all a full circle

"you alright?" winwin came to sit next to her on the bed, a cup of warm milk tea placed on the cardboard box beside her. winwin and hyejin shared a room, just their beds on opposite sides. they really only had one room to live off of, the same room they work in and sleep in

it was enough for them

"should i be?" she sighed, thanking winwin with a smile as she stirred the light brown liquid.

"it'll all in the past, chenle just hadn't gotten over everything yet" winwin comforted, not that it did much.

"is it the past if our feelings still mirror each other's?" she took a sip, the warmth draining down her throat

"we've all loved and lost, and this is just a passing. you grow from experiences like these and in reality, you can't be with chenle like you use to anymore. we work for Stone, not NCT. we have jobs to do and we have to not let emotions intertwine with reality." winwin patted her gently on the back "we didn't go through everything we went through to let it wash down the drain because of our stupid emotions"