Our misery's ~ Bucky XReader

Chapter 18

It had been a week if side glances, awkward silences since the panic attack you experienced. You told Cindy, your therapist and she had told you if it happened again you'd need to see a doctor because it could lead into something more serious.

It was late, around 11:30pm and you was sitting at the bar head in hands writing in your new book and just venting to yourself. I haven't even said thank you to him. How shitty is that? He basically saved my life and I haven't said than you, I gave Steve his top tho so he could return it. I couldn't even face him to do that...

You stopped writing and took a drink from your wine, as you did you heard the door open behind across the room.

Looking over you saw Bucky, he looked tired, maybe even a little angry. He saw you and you watched as his eyes rolled and he took a deep breath.

For a minute you thought he was walking to talk to you but he walked straight passed you to the liquor in front of you.

"I thought you couldn't get drunk?" You said breaking the silence and tension that surrounded you both. He didn't reply and just poured a glass.
"Hey, I wanted to say thank you, I know I should of said it earlier but you here now, thanks for the other night"

"I saw your journal." He mumbled and your stomach twisted as a lump in your throat formed.

"Wha- what?"

"When I took you home, I saw what you wrote" He still kept his back to you and carried on filling up glasses.

"How?" You couldn't believe it he had saw what you wrote but you just prayed he didn't read your 'confession'.

"You yanked it out from under your pillow, saying it was uncomfortable, it was open when you passed it to me."

"I'm so sorry." you mumbled and drank the rest of your wine.

"You keep saying that." he muttered under his breath like it was annoying him.

"I guess I keep doing the wrong thing then." He turned and had the bottle of liquor in hand, it almost amused you that he had given up with the glass.

"I didn't mean to yell at you."

"No, I deserved it. You was right, I take people who care about me and either use them or push them away. I made a stupid decision and now I pay for it." You sighed and his brows raised causing likes to appear on his forehead.

"What? You didn't deserve my temper that was my fau-"

"No it wasn't, I thought about it, a lot actually. And I'm sorry I put you in that situation. A close friend told me that if something needs to be fixed, you need to put the effort in. Or something like that." you smiled at James words. "And that's what I'm going to do, if I fix up here." you motioned to your brain. "It will fix this." you motioned to your heart.

"That's not-"

"Bucky? Are you in here?" Emma's voice rang out after she opened the door and walked in. "Oh hey y/n."

"Heya."

"Bucky are you coming to bed?" You felt your heart sink a little but you just smiled and turned back to your empty wine glass.

"Yeah, I'll uh, I'll be there in a second." He replied and she nodded wrapping the strings of her dressing gown around her before leaving again.

"Can you pass me the red?" You asked motioning the bottle behind him. He nodded and placed it in front of you.

"Well I'm sor-" You quickly interrupted him.

"Don't apologise to me buck, Emma's waiting for you, you should go she's quite impatient."

"Oh okay, yeah," he mumbled and started walking towards the door. "Good night y/n."

"Yeah, night." you said and opened the bottle of wine.

You grabbed your now full glass along with your phone, book and pen and decided to pay your brother a visit. You needed his opinion on something that had been on your mind.

***

"Are you out of your mind y/n? I was joking when I said that, I don't care if you have one or not." Your brother argued sitting one his desk also sharing a bottle of whiskey with you. You looked at him and raised your eyebrows.

"I want one tony, I have for ages, and I'm worried I'm getting to old to have one." You said and dropped your head back over the arm of the chair you laid across.

"That's not any reason for you to just have one, who would the father be? It won't have one."

"That's right tony, because I'd be a single mother. That's why sperm donors a thing. We basically grew up without a real father figure and look how we turned out?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Okay don't answer that, but I want one tony. I want a family."

"You have a family right here." he sighed. "But whatever you do, I'll support you and the kid because I love you and I'd probably love it too." he joked causing you to smile.

"Thank you tony, I'm not one hundred percent sure I just wanted a second opinion."

"You mean you came to be first? Before Emma or Nat or even Steve?"

"Well yeah, you are my brother and it would concern you."

"Y/n, you don't know how happy that makes me." He smiled showing of his teeth showing he was actually pleased.

"Really?"

"Yeah, my little sister coming to her big brother for help, it warms my soul." he said and you both went quiet before both bursting into a fit of laughter.

"That's so cheesy."

"Yeah I don't know what came over me, let's not do that again." he laughed and you nodded.

"Right?!"