To Catch A Dream (Architect Series #1)

❛ thirty-three ❜

"I don't know what to do with myself anymore," I whispered, staring at my glass. Bella is beside me, drinking wine.

"Ako rin. Kung saan tumatanda ka, doon ka naman nagiging bobo!" Iritado niyang saad. "Mas lalong naging makitid 'yang pag-iisip mo, Vena! Ano ka ba? Boba?"

She felt indignant as she heard what happened between us. I told her the whole story; my immature act, how I threw the food because of my uncontrollable anger, the foul words that I have said, everything. I told her what she wants to know and here we are again, she is fuming mad.

"I can't put all the blame to Fabian because my bare eyes could see that he is sincere, that he's doing whatever he can do to loosen up everything! I don't have a problem with Fabian anymore because I gave him a chance to explain his side, at alam mo ang nakuha ko? I regret calling him names not knowing his reasons!" She said nonchalantly.

"Hindi naman kasi sa inyo ginawa 'yon kaya gan'yan kayo magsalita," mahinang sambit ko.

"Yes, hindi, pero nando'n kami noong naghiwalay kayo! Saksi kaming lahat kung ano'ng nangyari sa 'yo at sa relasyon niyong dalawa! Pero minsan ba, inisip mo kung ano'ng nararamdaman ni Fabian? Siyempre, hindi, tingin mo kasi ikaw lang nasaktan, e, porket ikaw 'yong naiwan," saad niya.

"Tangina, Vena, huwag mo ngang ikulong sa galit 'yang dibdib mo. Mas nagiging tanga ka, e. Hirap mag-explain sa maliit ang utak," padarag niyang inilapag ang glass at hinarap ako.

"Alam mo, sa sobrang takot mong masaktan ulit, hindi mo alam ikaw na pala ang nakakasakit," she smiled a bit.

I lowered my gaze. Inalala ko ang lahat ng ginawa ko kay Fabian, ang pagmamaldita ko, ang pagmamalupit ko. I became that someone that I am not. Nagpanggap ako na ganito ako dahil galit ako.

I know myself more than anyone. This is really not me. Siguro, sa sobrang pagmamahal ko noon kay Fabian, gano'n din kasobra ang galit ko sa kan'ya.

I felt guilty. I bit my lower lip and thought of some ways on how to catch his heart again, kung paano mawawala ang galit niya sa akin if ever na galit siya. I couldn't concentrate in my work after talking with Bella. She's right. Kung ano'ng kinalaki ng galit ko, 'yon naman ang kinakitid ng utak ko.

Thinking that he's mad after our last encounter, napaisip tuloy ako na sabay na lang kaming mag-dinner. I would be the one who will cook or prepare our meals for later. Sinadya ko na maagang umuwi just to cook for him. Nasa trabaho pa siya kaya may oras pa ako.

I will ask for his forgiveness. Kung wala akong gagawin sa emosyon ko, hindi rin maaayos ang relasyon naming dalawa. Gusto ko nang makahinga nang maluwag. Gusto ko nang matulog nang maayos gabi-gabi. Gusto ko nang mabuhay na walang iniisip na iba pa. I just want to have my happiness again... and my happiness is... him.

To: Architect

hi architect! would u mind eating dinner with me?

My heart beats rapidly as I typed the message that I wanna say to him. Nang mai-send ko ito, mariin akong napapikit at parang gusto ko na lang magtago sa ilalim ng kumot.

Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay nang nilapag ko ang mga plato sa mesa. I looked at my wrist watch. My lips shiver as I thought of maybe, he would not come because he's mad at me. Hindi na ako magtataka kung hindi siya sisipot. Iisipin ko na lang na busy siya sa work, hindi sa babae.

My stomach turned a somersault when I heard a familiar sound. Mas lalo akong kinabahan nang masilip ko sa bintana na kotse nga 'yon ni Fabian. Mukha siyang nagmamadali at parang hindi na alam ang gagawin. Halos takbuhin na ang distansya papunta sa pinto.

"Baby, I'm home. . ." He called when he saw me sitting on the couch. "Ay, Vena pala," he smiled sheepishly.

"Uh... Do you want to eat with me? It's okay if you don't want. I understand," I stuttered. Nagmadali akong tumayo at tinalikuran siya upang hindi na marinig ang kan'yang isasagot.

"Luh, iiwan pa ako. Oo naman, s'yempre, palalagpasin ko ba 'to? Pinaglutuan ako ng asawa ko. Ito talaga nai-imagine ko, e. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, sasalubungin ako ng maraming kiss ng baby Vena ko," he said using his sweet tone.

I bit my inner cheek to prevent myself from smiling. He's not mad. After all those foul words that I have said to him, he is still here, talking with me using his sweet tone, and smiling like there's nothing happened between us. Indeed Fabian is really a genuine person.

"Luh, wala po ba ako kiss?" He baby talked as I putted a smattering of rice on his plate.

I shook my head and smiled before sitting in front of him. Nakangiti siyang kumakain at palihim akong sinusulyapan tapos mayamaya ay umiiling. Parang may nai-imagine siya na ewan ko sa kan'ya dahil naririnig ko siyang impit na tumatawa.

He tried to reach for my hand and I let him touch me. Mas lalo siyang napangiti nang makita niyang hindi ko 'yon iniwas sa kan'ya.

"I am really sorry for everything, Fabian. I know that I was really mean to you since the first time we met again," I spoke slowly.

"Nah, it's nothing. I know my mistakes. Alam kong magiging ganito kaya hinanda ko na noon pa ang sarili ko kung sakaling magkita tayo ulit," he answered.

"No, it's my fault. Ako ang may kasalanan ngayon. Huwag mong akuin lahat. Nakainis lang kasi nay kasalanan naman talaga akio. Duh," umirap ako. "Saka, mas'yado akong naging self-centered. I am so sorry." Inayos ko ang aking tono nang maalala ko na nakikipagbati pala ako.

"It is not your fault. Put the blame on me. Mas'yado kitang kinukulit kahit na alam kong ayaw mo sa akin. Akala ko kasi mapapatawad mo ako kapag sinuyo na kita pero ang hirap pala. Parang hindi na ata ulit... kaya ayon, ayos lang sa akin. At saka, ayos na ako sa ganito. Masaya na ako na magkasabay tayong kumakain ngayon."

"Hindi ko ginustong maging gano'n. Nagpaubaya lang ako sa emosyon ko."

"Ayon na nga. If you are worrying that I would give up on you, then stop overthinking because I won't...I won't give up on us. Hihintayin ko na mapawi ang galit mo sa akin by doing some efforts. Gusto rin sana kitang tulungan na mag-heal kaso ako ang dahilan kung bakit ka nasasaktan."

"I'm sorry," tanging nasambit ko na lamang.

"No need to worry. You know, I realized that I love you so much, Venus Arleth. Hindi ko kayang magalit sa 'yo dahil mahal na mahal kita. . ." Humina ang kan'yang boses. "Mas gusto ko pa na nagagalit ka sa akin kasi may nararamdaman ka pa rin sa akin," mapakla siyang natawa.

"At least, may nararamdaman kaysa sa wala 'di ba?" He laughed.

"Are we okay now?" I asked, smiling.

"What do you think? Of course, gusto na rin kitang tawagin baby, e." He chuckled.

I shook my head and smiled. Seeing him happy because of me is already enough. He stared back at me and played with my fingers. I keep smiling. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion but later on, he smiled back.

"Kanina ka pa nakangiti nang walang dahilan. Ano iniisip mo? Lalaki mo, 'no?"

"Duh. Then why are you smiling back if you knew that I am smiling for absolutely no reason?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I am just happy, Vena, that you are smiling for me again."