Fractum 13

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Broken 13: Sir

After that summer, I changed. I realized what men thought about me because the situation of my family. And then, I started changing.

I jumped from one men to another. One boy to another. I did not only jump, I dived.

I am not the same Agape Sanguine that avoided men. I am Agape Sanguine Laude, a known player of men at her peak of interest.

Being with men I had interest with, and losing my interest in them, made me realize more that love is nothing. Love… is not real. I can attest to that myself.

I like one boy today, I like another tomorrow. I am fast in changing the face of my boys. My personal preference in men did not change. Only that now, I accept any men who wants me.

But I don’t accept boyfriends. Flings are enough for me. Flings are easier. They don’t get attached too much. Masyado nilang gusto ang atensyon na naibibigay ko na kahit isang minuto lang ng oras ko ay magmamakaawa sila para roon.

Women around me are so… enraged. Inilabas ko raw ang tunay kong kulay. Na hindi naman daw talaga ako anghel.

Who told you that I’m an angel, anyway? You thought of that yourself.

Some women are aggressive. Pero sa dinami-rami kong lalaki, kung sino-sino na ang pumoprotekta sa akin. I have men in the soles of my feet, begging, wishing, desperately, for a chance.

And so I gave them a chance. A chance to know and experience me… without the possessive touches. They can’t kiss me, think worldly of me, do lewd things to me. They can touch… but not too much. If they would, they know that they will never be forgiven.

Once I’m done with you, I’m done. Dahil tapos na ako sa iyo, hindi na ako uulit. I don’t dwell twice on men. Once is enough for an experience.

There are boys so possessive. They think I’m the one. They think they can’t live without me. Kung hindi mo kayang mabuhay ng wala ako, bakit hindi ka pa patay ngayon?

Love is not real, boys. Don’t even think that I have thoughts about loving any one of you.

Love is not real and boys are pieces of shits. We don’t need too much of them but we can have an adequate amount.

I’m young. I can play however I want. As long as I keep my grades… and as long as my mother doesn’t know.

In my current reign with boys, there are only two things. The ones I liked, and the ones I dumped.

Kung hindi kita gusto, hindi mo ako mapipilit. Kaya saan ka mapupunta? Sa basurahan, kasama ang mga pinagsawaan.

Some boys are just too persistent. Some boys’ persistence makes me remember sometimes… that white soft boy in Batangas.

I don’t need to think about him so I won’t. I have too much in my hands now, anyway.

I have changed. Simply because I’m a person. People change. Change is the only constant. And they say it’s love that’s constant. It’s not. It’s change that’s the only constant. I’ve always believed that.

I am still sociable and friendly, but on another level. Is this the level of curiosity? But I’m not curious at all.

There are some boys I dumped that still stands out. However, if I finish a fling and he will not be a fling of mine again, I won’t ever give chances again to those I dumped, too.

Kakabalik ko lang sa classroom naming mga grade nine A students matapos ang meeting namin ng mga MTAP students. I skipped the mathematics class because of that. Sinalubong ako ng mga lalaking may dalang mga panyo at tubig para sa akin pero hindi iyon ang kailangan ko ngayon. I need the knowledge about the mathematics lesson I skipped.

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