Chapter 37

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One of the most important days when I was a kid was Christmas Day. It was my mothers favourite day apart from my birthday, she loved my birthday almost as much as she loved Christmas. My birthday was always filled with balloons, flowers, banners, pinatas, music, puppets, dressing up. 

I remember the last birthday I had with her. It was my seventh birthday and it was just her and me because she had become bedridden as prescribed by her doctors. I had made a tuna and cucumber toastie, mum hated tuna and yet she still at the sandwich. It makes me laugh to this day that she'd pretended to have enjoyed it just because I made it. 

"Hi mum," I sniffled in the cold winter air, "It's Christmas, your favourite day. I'm sorry I didn't come here yesterday, I know I usually come on Christmas Eve and Christmas but yesterday was such a hectic day." I chuckled. The wind blew in my ear and made a white noise sound as it brushed against my hair. "I'm pregnant, mum. I have a feeling that it's a girl, just like you said it'd be in my dream last night. I wish you were here so you could talk baby names with me, just like we'd always say we would do."

I grabbed the bouquet of roses I had set on the ground behind me and placed them in front of her headstone. "I wish you were here, mum. I wish you were here to help me with Damien, to tell me that I am doing a good job as a mother to Rhys. I just wish you were here to stop me from making mistakes. I don't think that I've spoken to you much about Damien, he's Rhys' father but you knew that already. He's a dick." The wind grew stronger. 

"Sorry, I know how you feel about my language." I laughed. "He may do stupid things at times and he may be an idiot at other times, but he's my idiot. If you were here you'd tell me that I don't need a man, but I love him, mum. I really really love him. He'll ruin me, he really will but it will be a good type of ruin... I think. He gave me a promise ring last night, yes I know it's not the real thing but it's the next step, right? Anyway, he's such an amazing dad to Rhys. I cannot think of anyone else to help me raise him. 

"I should probably go now, Merry Christmas mum. I love you." I pressed my fingers to my lips and then onto the cold stone of her headstone. 

****

As I reached home I couldn't stop reminiscing all of the memories with mum. She would be running around trying to prepare Christmas dinner right now if she were alive, ever since she died Christmas just hasn't been the same, it's been almost 20 years and yet it will never be the same as it was. It's like a part of me is missing still and I will never get that back. 

Once I stepped foot in the door I was greeted with congratulations on my engagement from the family, I corrected them all and told them it wasn't an engagement, it was a promise. We had informed them about our pregnancy last night and Julia made us a cake which everyone had a slice of. 

James had been allowed to come home today and he was staying here until Luke and Maddie left for their house and he would be going with them to recover. 

Christmas was full. It was a different feeling I was getting this year, probably because last Christmas I was still doing what Curtis wanted me to do so I could have food on the table for Rhys. It's gone so fast since I was in that caravan, I haven't heard from Curtis and it makes me wonder what Damien did to him and he paid off my debt. I still remember being at the strip club trying to make my money for the week, making more than I needed because I had to give Curtis majority of it and I would hide the rest away. 

I never really appreciate the things I have had in life before Curtis, never did I appreciate money, never did I appreciate having the beautiful thing that life is. Until Damien came back into my life and made me see what the world really was like. 

"Hey," Damien wrapped an arm around my waist as he greeted me at the door, "Are you okay? You seem to be away with the fairies." 

"I'm just happy."

"Yeah?"

"I'm thinking about everything that I'm grateful for."

"And what's that?"

"Just this. Having a family. I haven't had one in so long and now I have you, Rhys and everyone else. I'm just grateful to not being alone."

"You will always have me now baby. I promise, I am not going anywhere." He pulled me close to him as we shared a kiss under the mistletoe and shared our passion through one touch. 

****

"Rhys lets get you to bed now darling." Damien picked Rhys up from the floor as he began to doze off and by the time we made it to his room he was sleeping peacefully in his arms. "He's so beautiful when he sleeps." I smiled. 

"Just like his mother." 

"Oh hush." We exited Rhys's bedroom and walked hand in hand to our bedroom. 

"I'm not lying, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered. Such a beautiful soul has never set foot on this earth before." 

"Well that is a lie."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is, have you met Cameron Diaz?"

"I have actually, but could I do this to Cameron Diaz?" He lightly pushed me down on the bed and climbed over me, staring at me like I was his prey. "I'm going to fuck you into the middle of next week."

"Well go on then, what are you waiting for?"

And fuck me he did.

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