"Who am I?
My shadow is getting bigger on this path of stardom. One day it will catch me and make me fear the spotlights. I fear one day I will crash and burn to ashes. I am tired but I cannot stop. Where on this path can I finally rest?"
- Kim Na...
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Ha Yun smelt him first rather than saw him. As his scent slowly enveloped her, she braced herself for the incoming sensation. Her heart started to palpitate erratically and cold sweat started to form on her hands and she swore if anyone tried to touch them, they would be as cold as ice. She willed herself to stay calm and clenched her hands tightly, determined not to let the sensation overpowered herself. Her back started to tingle as she sensed his approach. She rolled her shoulders back as an act to comfort herself and arranged her calm facial feature. Seconds later, he arrived at her side.
"Annyeonghaseyo, Ha Yun Noona." Namjoon greeted her.
"Annyeonghaseyo, Namjoon-sshi."
"I want to talk about something. Do you have time?"
"Sure. What's up?" She focused on him. His eyes averted her gaze.
"Erm..I don't know how to say this." he said while putting his hand on his neck and rubbed it a few times. His face looked tense.
"Go on. It's okay, I will listen."
He tried again to say something but decided against it and chose to look down on the floor. Maybe it was more comfortable to look at the floor than at her. It was rare to find such an eloquent person to be lost in words.
"Is there something uncomfortable you want to say to me?" she asked and instantly he glared at her. She was taken aback by the quick emotional changes.
"Yes." He answered a bit louder than necessary.
"I am frustrated with your reaction towards me. Every time when we were talking you would make this face like you are disgusted with me. Sometimes you even purposely avoided from talking or being near me. I have seen you treat the other members friendly, especially Suga." His face tightened with irritation.
"Namjoon-sshi, I am sure you have been mistaken. I have always tried to treat all members and staff fairly and professionally."
She tried to parry his accusation which turned out to be the truth, in hope that her calm voice and innocent facial expression can sway his judgement.
"Don't try to dance around this. I know you are good at masking your emotion and expression most of the time. But I have seen you turn your head away after talking to me to take a deep breath. Did you hold your breath while you were talking to me?"
"I did..." she began but he cut her off.
"Did you hate me so much that even breathing the same air as me is repulsive? What had I done to make you despise me so much? If I have annoyed you in any way, I am sorry because I seriously have no idea." He shook his head strongly at this.
"Or is it just because I smell bad? I understand. We boys do sweat buckets after the dance practice or performance but I have always tried to be considerate to other people." His forehead creased with additional lines.
He was now taking the blame onto himself. She couldn't watch him agonize like this anymore. He was too observant for her to hoodwink and too kind for her to ignore. She sighed in defeat.
"Are you done?" she asked.
"What?"
"I mean, have you said all the things that you want to talk to me about? Is there anything else that I made you uncomfortable with?"
He just stared at her for a second,"No, that's all."
"Okay, since this will take a bit of time. Shall we find a place to sit?"
"Sure." he looked around for a second.
"Let's go to the bench, Noona." He walked to a nearby corner. His expression softened after he had managed to let some steam off earlier.
