THE SEER OF SOULS // KIM NAMJOON

CHAPTER 30 - LIVE IN THE PRESENT

         The party bus was on the way to the first interview location. The members were helping themselves to the snacks provided and were trying to have a karaoke competition. Usually Namjoon will join the members with their antics or watch over them but now he felt like someone needed him more.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

          Ha Yun let a heavy breath out and massaged her temples. She didn't answer him. He wanted to ease her but was at loss of what he could do. If he decided to hug her would she push him too like yesterday? He felt powerless and his heart throbbed at his helplessness.

"I am not able to sleep well." She finally spoke to him.

"Why? Is it because of what I did?"

      Ha Yun finally looked at him and smiled reassuringly. He felt better at her responsiveness. She shook her head.

"No. Maybe I am jetlag. I will be okay in a few days."

"I think it is not jetlag. Is there something else bothering you? Maybe something that worries you?"

She looked at him and smiled.

"Looks like you can read me well. It will be hard for me to hide things from you now."

He leaned closer to her, "Tell me. Let me help you."

        She hesitated and she took a deep breath. "Remember I told you before about Soo-Jin, my student who committed suicide? That my panic attack got worse after her death?"

"Yes. Are you having a panic attack when you are on this tour?" 

He hated the thought of the tour pressure hurting her. He was used to the pressure of the tour.

"Nothing I can't handle so far. But, my nightmares come back. I thought they had stopped for a while."

"Do you need sleeping pills?"

"No. I don't like to rely on medicine. Nightmares are symptoms of a past problem that I need to find a solution to. Popping sleeping pills to run away from the problems make things worse."

"Okay, please take care. If there is anything I could do to help, just let me know."

Ha Yun was silent for a while before she answered.

"For now, just stay where you are. I need company to distract me from my own mind."

          He was happy to stay near her and glad that she thought his presence could chase her worries away. He understood how tiring it was to worry and overthink. Traits Ha Yun and him shared.

"When you overthink, what do you do?"

          Ha Yun looked at him as she concentrated on him. He sat comfortably on the bus seat ignoring the chatter of the members and staff. The way she had her full attention on him, drown all the surrounding noise and he could only hear her. It seemed only both of them exist at the moment and he wanted that sensation to last longer. He was escaping from his present reality.

"I will tell myself to don't think too much. There is no need to rush. I remind myself to live in the moment and follow my dream."

        Ha Yun nodded and said, "We are so different in our way of thinking. I am someone that sees the end when I see the beginning."

"People usually say someone like that can see and predict the future", he said.

"I don't see the future the way magic shows portray it. I see patterns and how things develop following those patterns. I see a seed and I imagine how it will grow into a forest. I see a young child and see a glimpse of who the child will turn out to be. I see the beauty and the destruction of earth and know it will end someday."

"So, can you predict a problem before it happens?"

"Yes, problems have a domino effect. One small issue leads to another and then leads to bigger and complex problems. It will be hard to unravel the tangled knots. Sometimes, the knots become so complicated that there is no way else but to cut them. So, it is best to keep the string of events in the proper way. The way it is supposed to be."

"That sounds complicated." 

        He saw how her forehead creased. His hand on instinct went to smooth out the creases but she leaned away and shook her head. He forgot that they were in public and she didn't want to draw unnecessary attention than what they already had.

"Yes, what worries me is that people don't seem to be able to think ahead most of time. They could prevent a lot of problem if they just think before they act. They could achieve more."

"But to overthink and keep on worrying will be hard on you. It's great to be ambitious and aim for more and more to be happy in the future, as I've lived up until now, but I think it's one of the nicest ways to live life if you know how to enjoy what is in the present".

      Ha Yun was silent for a while. He took this advantage to observe her. How she carefully thought over his words. Weighting the good and bad. It made him feel happy that she took his words seriously although he was younger than her.

       Finally, she looked up and smiled at him. The kind of smile someone gave after getting a good rest.

"You are correct. No matter how far I can think ahead. I am still bound to the present moment. I live here," she gestured her hand to show where she was sitting.

"and not here," she pointed to her head.

"Thank you for reminding me to be present. I am not stuck in the past and neither do I live in the future. I live here." she paused and smiled.

"With you." she winked.

Laughter bubbled inside him and came out as an embarrassed chuckle.

"Yes, with me. Where no nightmares can scare you."

"Luckily, this planet has you, Namjoon."

"Joon. Call me Joon. I like it when people call me Joon."

"Fine, Luckily, this planet has you, Joon."

       The way she said his name undid a chain of ice around his heart. It was like an old and long lost friend had called his name. A friend he was waiting for. And HE was the lucky one instead.

"Lucky me."

(WORD COUNT 903)

*****************************************

AUTHOR'S NOTE

***What is your best Namjoon's wise quotes?

***Do you prefer to live in the past, present or the future?

***If you like this chapter please comment and vote. Thanks :-)