Against the Waves (THE PRESTIGE 1)

12

Safe

They say, there are stages of grief when you lose someone: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. But there were times that it doesn't always move through stages. Most of the times, people were stucked at one stage.

River is still stucked in denial stage. He couldn't accept what happened. He couldn't even cry and feel the pain. He can't move forward because of that. He can't heal himself because he did not allow himself to grieve. The only cure to grieve is to grieve. But how can he able to that when he can't even be honest with his pain?

"Dito ka na?" Tanong nito sa akin nang makarating kami sa tapat ng bahay.

He insisted to send me home. Hindi ko na rin siya kinontra dahil pakiramdam ko, hindi iyon ang tamang gawin. He just opened up to me about the death of his brother. He just shared a piece of his soul. I'm not that heartless to leave him when I knew he need someone right now.

"Sabi ko sa'yo malapit lang." Sagot ko naman.

Pinasadahan nito ng tingin ang kabuuan ng aming bagay. Ginaya ko siya. Wala pa rin namang pinagbago ang itsura nun sa labas dahil palaging naaalagaan. Kulay puti pa rin ang pintura ng gate, bumagay sa ancient-modern type na disenyo ng bahay. May portico doon at malawak na garden. Ang attic sa ikalawang palapag ay kaakit akit din.

"Matagal tagal na rin simula no'ng huli mong...punta." Sabi ko.

I saw him turned his head to me in my peripheral vision.

"You already met my parents...if you can still remember."

Sinalubong ko ang mata niya. Katulad kanina, kita pa rin ang sakit sa dalawang abong mata nito. It's so expressive.

"Did they...hate me?"

"For what?"

He moistened his lower lip. "I stood you up."

Inalala ko ang nangyari noong debut ko. Halos lahat ng tao ay nakatingin sa akin habang hinihintay kong lapitan ako ng escort ko. Hanggang ngayon, ramdam ko pa rin ang takot ko noon na hindi siya dumating. Wala naman kasi akong narinig na kahit anong salita mula sa kaniya. Maiintindihan ko naman kung magsasabi siya. Kung nalate ba siya, may pinuntahan saglit, naipit sa traffic...pero hindi ko alam na mas malalim pa pala ang dahilan bakit hindi siya nakadalo.

"My parents understand." Sabi ko na lang.

My parents did not ask anything after that. Kahit na nakikita nila na nag iba ang timpla ko magmula ng araw na iyon, they never asked me. Marahil, hinihintay lang din nila akong magsabi.

Pero hindi ko ginawa.

I waited for him. I waited for his texts. I waited for him to call me. I waited for him...because he told me so. He said...he'll court me when I turned eighteen. But I guess, I waited for nothing.

He took a deep breathe after the long silence between us. "You should go inside."

I bit the side of my cheeks. Ayaw ko pa sanang umalis doon. Ayaw kong...iwan muna siya.

He smiled a bit. "I promise I'm okay."

"I can...stay."

River suddenly reach my hair and ruffle it. "I'll visit him tomorrow. Want to come?"

Agaran akong pumayag. "Sige, sasamahan kita."

We might not have a good start after years of not seeing each other but I still care for him. Galit ako sa kaniya pero aaminin kong may halaga pa rin siya sa akin. Hindi ko na iyon maipagkakaila pa.

"Text me the details." Sabi ko.

Ngumiti siya pero hindi man lang iyong umabot sa kaniyang tenga. "I will."