Trying Not To Love You

Chapter 29

Dean POV:

Things between us were good for the past two days except for one thing that Seth wants to go to France with his sponsor for a couple of days. I tried to convince him that I will give him company, but he didn't let me because he cares about my girlfriend than me.

I sigh and look over the breakfast we have together before he has to leave to catch his flight. Nothing fixes my gloomy mood when I have too many thoughts in my mind. "I wish you don't have to leave," I mumble and break the interminable stretch of silence between us.

"Me too." He says, looking down at his scarcely touched bacon and eggs, trying not to sound as wretch as he feels inside. "But I have to go to France to bring my dream into reality."

"Sucks that I can't be a part of your dream of having a girlfriend!" I say, almost bitterly. I didn't feel Becky as a burden of my life until he came into my life. I didn't find any wrong in her activities until seeing his attitude.

My gaze snaps back to his face when he gets my attention. "Hey, come on. You know you are. You're the most important person who leads my dream to become a reality. I'm sorry for leaving you here, but it will be good for you and your girlfriend." He says and tries to convince me.

I sigh and reach across the table to grab his hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry too," I mumble, regretfully. "I shouldn't have let you in between me and my girlfriend." 

"Yeah.." He nods with his mouth full of food.

My heart twists in my chest as I see his cuteness. I look him straight in the eyes as he tells me about his dreams and how much he will miss me in those two days. I talk nothing in between, just stare at him and absorb his every word.

"So, you won't just forget about me even if you stay away from me?" The words that eventually come out of my mouth, one corner of my lips quirking into a faint smile despite myself. It's probably stupid after everything that happened between us, but I can't help.

"Shut up. I can never forget about you. Ever!" He says firmly and squeezes my arm.

"That's a promise?" I ask because as sure as all these days staying with him, after everything we have been through, all the unnecessary heartache we have inflicted on ourselves and each other, I need to hear the words. Needs something to keep with me, close to my heart when he's not here with me.

"I promise. It doesn't matter where we are and what we are doing. We are always in each other's arms at the end!" He says it like it's just a fact. Like it's always been true. He gives me a slight smile and leans across the table to press a soft kiss on my cheek before going to the kitchen with his plate in his hands.

Time goes quickly, and finally, it leads me to drop him at the airport. His sponsor is already here and gives us a friendly gesture. We talk for a few minutes until it's time for Seth to leave me.

I hug him goodbye and press a light kiss on his hair. I close my eyes and breathe him in deeply, hands clutching at his t-shirt. Our cheeks press together and I rest my fingers gently at the nape of his neck.

"Come back to me soon," I say right against his ear before pulling away from him.

"I will." He says, taking one long look at me before turning and walking away with his sponsor.

I lean against my car and stare at the ground, thinking about myself. I look up at the sky when I hear the sound of the airplane and see it above my head. I miss him so much than others and I don't know why.

When my phone rings, I take it out and look over the caller's identity. I huff and slip the phone back to my pocket when I find it's from Becky. The guilty is eating me up but I don't know why. Is it for avoiding her? Or is it because I feel like a disgusting animal for taking advantage of two people in my life? Do I have feelings for Seth?

Roman POV:

Once we get in the flight, I get so lost thinking about the practice, go to the gym, and meeting so I haven't realized Seth has fallen asleep already. His head lays over the pillow and almost leans against my shoulder. I can feel the heat from his breathing is calm. I can't understand how can he sleep peacefully, letting others destroy his life.

I sigh and decide to check the newspaper, wanting to pass the time. It helps until he begins moving and slipping words out of his mouth. I'm getting annoyed so I take my headphones out and hear a few interesting words coming from his mouth.

"Fuck! I don't want to feel this... I'm trying not to love him... He is so good for me.." He blabbers and twitches around in his seat slightly, making me annoy more because I only heard what I knew. I know he has feelings for Dean but doesn't ready to accept it.

"Dean, don't leave me. Please.." He whispers but the emotions behind the silent plea make me look at him. "You wanna stay with her but don't leave me as well. Please.." He says, and it makes me want to hit hard in his head until he forgets that silly girlfriend of his husband.

My gaze not leaving him as he continues to move. I shrug and get my headphones on but the words I had just heard from him keep going in my mind so I elbow him on the ribs, acting like I've been listening to music the time as he opens his eyes.

He groans and shifts as he lays his head on the other side, facing the window. "We have arrived!" Some kid on the back yells as he tries to fall asleep again.

Everyone gets their handbags and begins walking towards the exit door, but I wait for him while he takes his own time to stretch and look through the window next to him. He then gives me a slight smile and gets his bags, readying to exit the plane.

When we get out of the airport, the climate changes suddenly and starts to pour rain. We have no other way than to go back inside, so we do and find seats to stay until the rain stops. I watch him fumbling through his bag and take a phone out, trying his husband number. He gets frustrated when the signal is bad and not connect his call with him.

I say nothing until we find a hotel. Luckily they have no spare rooms so we have to share the same room. I really appreciate it because I want to give him a piece of my mind. I know it will no use until he wants to listen to my words.

Once we reach the room, I go to the bathroom and take a hot shower. After I finish, I dry myself and get dressed before leaving the bathroom. I look out the room and see him sitting on the edge of the bed with his eyes lock in the screen of his phone.

I go to him and lean aside to take a view on his phone. He notices me and swipes through the content, but I caught a glimpse of a picture of him and his husband. I smile and sit beside him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. "You could hide the picture but you can't hide your heart for a long time." I ruffle his hair and stand up from the bed.

"Fuck you," He stomps his feet, extremely frustrated. His face looks at the floor as I go to the spare bed. If he wants to stay like this, he will. I can see how many days he will react like this, but I'm sure I won't take too much time to make him realize his love for Dean. Believe that!