Trying Not To Love You

Chapter 34

Dean POV:

I drive the car slowly and mumble with the radio, trying to clear my mind before going to Becky's house. I want to talk to her and make her understand that it's time to break up. I know she will be mad at me for my decision, but I won't care because it's good for both of us.

I'm not an awful person to take advantage of two people. I don't want to give an uncomfortable life to Seth because he doesn't deserve that for marrying me. Actually, I start to develop feelings for him and I want to live a merry life with him. I want to move on in our lives, to become the best husband for him.

I snap out of my thoughts when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I take my phone out and look over the caller's name on the screen. I swipe the button and answer the call, "Hey, Becky."

"Dean, babe, where are you? You told you're coming to my house!" She says through the phone. Her voice is intelligible with frustration and I know why. Maybe she is aware of my decision already.

"I'm on my way. I'll be at your house in five, okay?" I say and focus on the road, not wanting to crash into anything.

"Okay, I'm waiting." She mumbles and hangs up the phone.

I slam the phone on the dashboard and drive the car a little faster. When the driveway for her house comes into view, my heart beats fast, hammering behind my ribs. My mouth goes dry as I park the car and tuck the keys inside my pocket.

I take a deep breath and approach her front door, knocking on it a few times. I give her a nervous smile when she opens the door and greets me in. She gently shuts the door behind me as her eyes focus on me.

I clasp my hands and avoid eye contact with her before starting the conversation, "I just came here to-" She cuts me off and finishes the sentence, "break it off with me."

I bite my lip nervously and break the silence, "How do you-"

"Know?" She walks over to the couch and sits on it, giving me a hard look. "Come on, I'm not stupid. I knew this would come."

I don't want to end the conversation by saying the wrong things to make the matters worse, so I take a seat next to her and try to make her understand. Before I open my mouth to say something, she keeps talking through my silence.

"I mean it is pretty clear from the start. And I knew you would come to me like this and break my heart." She tries to laugh a bit, but the sound doesn't really come out. "What do you want me to say, Dean? Live a joyful life with Seth, huh?!" She asks in a bitter tone.

I try to convince her, but unfortunately my eyes land on the clock and notice the time. "Sorry! I need to go, Becky. We'll talk about this later after my Europe trip is over." I say to her and leave her house promptly.

I get in the car and grab my phone from the dashboard to notice a couple of texts from Seth. I send a reply to him instantly and drive the car to the performance center. I should go there fast and make him feel comfortable before his mind goes somewhere to think about unnecessary things.

At the time, I pick up him from the performance center; he looks really exhausted. I glance at him in the corner of an eye during the entire ride, but he leans against the window and takes a nap.

When we reach home, he goes to the bedroom and picks up some fresh clothes from the closet, jumping into the bathroom. I slip my jacket off and lay on the bed, hearing the shower running sound.

I look up at him when he gets out of the bathroom with a towel to dry his hair off. He is exquisite like this and I feel a potent urge to kiss him, to cuddle him, and to be very close to him.

While I'm thinking or dreaming of him, he notices me and throws the towel at me. "Hey, what's up?" He asks with a slight smile on his face.

"Nothing." I smile and throw a blanket over my body. "Come on, get under the blanket with me then you'll feel good," I call him because I want him closer to me.

His eyes drag from my blanket to my face before accepting my offer. I unwrap the blanket a little to push it off myself until I throw it over him. He wiggles himself into the spot right next to me and lays his head on my chest.

I wrap my arms around his waist to hold him a little closer. The warmth of him feels nice and we both just enjoy being a little closer to each other than we normally would be.

I can see him close his eyes, but I know he is indeed still awake. I flutter my eyes to see him still here with me and nothing has changed. I feel elated so I lean down to press a kiss in his hair. "You good?" I ask softly and move my hand to touch his cheek.

He opens his eyes and mumbles, "Never better." He tries to look into my eyes but he feels hard to see me from his angle so he turns his head and rests his chin on my chest.

"Can I make you feel good?" I ask and stroke his hair gently.

He nods slowly and moves away from me to look at me in the eyes. I pull him with me and kiss his lips. Being so close to him makes my body react in a lot of ways. I feel so light and good under the weight of him.

I feel his hand on my chest when he moans as I probe my tongue against his. I don't want to break apart but my lungs start burning so I have to. While catching my breath, I pull his body on top of me so he can rest his full weight on me.

I spread my legs in order to make more room for him before pulling him in for another kiss. He tangles his fingers in my hair while I rest my hands on his lower back to press him a little closer to me.

While keep kissing him, I push my hip up and try to feel him. He gasps and tries to swallow a soft moan, but I can hear it. It is a delicious sound so before I roll my hips again; I move my hands down a little so they are on his cheeks now.

He breaks the kiss and opens his eyes to look at me. His eyes reflect the insecurity and scariness in his face. His hair is messy from the kiss but he looks still pretty.

"Have you felt good now?" I tease and try to clear the embarrassment from his face.

"I would have thanked you but you've ruined it now, asshole." He grins and throws the pillow at me. I catch the pillow and hit him with it, playing with him. He is really good for me and I never be this happy before.