Self-Doubt, No Clout

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Written May 29, 2020, 3:33am-4:02am


Chocked full of emotions,

As if I'm bursting at the seams.

It's life's harshest magical potion.

Brewed to be a fatally unfair poison to all.


What now?

Beaded sweat constantly on my brow,

That populates to manifest as soon as it's swept away.

Mind, body, and spirit astray

In a whirl of whimsical chaos.


However,

I'm not lost.

Nonetheless, my heart's eternal frost

Seems to harden.

As I smarten up with each day's inevitable passing.

I say to myself, "Listen up! It's not everlasting.

"Shut up! I'm talking."


All my money's up!

All that I hold dear and possess

To rightfully be my own.

I'm finally willing to risk it all.

For what I truly desire in my life.

I claim it!


A vibe of an anomaly,

I flaunt.

Despite it all, I'm confident

For the very last time.

Demons fight the angels

As they both terrifyingly haunt

What's left of my ephemeral consciousness.


Who will win? I often ponder to myself.

History has shown, time and again.

Every sinner sins,

All authentic saints pray.

So, what will I say

Before the honorable Saint Peter at

The pearliest gates?


Will I only mention love

Or the hate that I once felt?!

I detrimentally refused to become

The taxidermy resulting from a

Vicious hunter's pelt.

As a hopeless romantic,

My heart still bursts and melts.


Indifference leads to apathy.

Does it not?

Become the dead place where

The heart and mind rot...

Pretending not to feel anything.

Ignoring the painful sting of feelings.

A string of discontinued notes.


It's still reeling in with the fresh haul.

Can the aloof make amends?

Circumstantially,

I guess it would all depend.

Even the most broken heart

Still beating alive in this world has the

Chance to heal and mend.

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