Young and Free | BTS [√]

juu san

"Do you want to walk together? I was going to the library but you may take a bus back to the dorm from the stop a few minutes ahead," Namjoon shifted on his legs as he took the book from his left hand to right.

The transparent bag that was in Jin's hand felt like it would take him down to the earth as it felt so heavy, so did his shoulders. Jin knew he was often a capricious person on his own but never had he felt so feeble before someone.

Noticing his own hand tremble, Jin gave a curt nod. The afternoon in the city had wrapped them around in an orange blanket and a warm atmosphere, but inside Jin's mind, it was pouring nonstop.

He wondered why the brunette was so quiet, his expression giving nothing away on what was in his mind. Jin knew, he just knew Namjoon had heard it all. If not, at least some of it.

With the departing words from August even an idiotic person would know what was going on. Even if Jin did not know much about Namjoon despite spending years with him in the dorm, the dark-haired knew Namjoon was an intellectual person.

"If you would not mind may I borrow those comics from you?" All of a sudden Namjoon said and Jin broke out from his trance.

"You read shoujo mangas?"

Namjoon definitely did not look like it, but oh well, Jin did not either, did he?

Namjoon shook his head to the sides softly and a pair of dimples appeared on his cheeks. "I have never but when I was a child I used to watch sailor moon with my sister. It was fascinating, and I feel a pull towards all genres of reads so, that's that."

Jin watched him with a forlorn look on his own that did not match the warmth of such a cozy afternoon where couples walked holding hands around the sides of the road, a few school boys and girls walking around in groups after their last bell had rung in school.

Before Jin knew a question rolled off his tongue, "you don't think it's girly? The comics? The pink covers?"

He did not mean to, but he knew there was a stern tone in his voice which made the English major next to him pause to look at him.

Where they stood a big maple tree covered both of their heads from the side of the street, its branches shadowing the clear sky. It was not autumn but Jin had a sudden recall of August. The memory of getting his first confession under a maple tree.

And now Jin was so different that again he asked himself if that was really a memory of his past self or someone else's.

He could see Namjoon let out a small sigh, staring at Jin with eyes that Jin could not decipher. Jin wondered if he had crossed the line, but his parents never thought that when they said even harsher words to him, did they.

"I don't think there's any color or anything of liking that is set for one gender in particular. And I don't think adoring pink or shoujo mangas are exclusive for girls only, though they are not really a choice for myself as a an individual," Namjoon said, standing still with his eyes never leaving Jin. "Every person is different."

The orange among them had slowly morphed into a shade of purple with evening falling down ever so quietly. Jin was at a loss of words, Namjoon looked so too but then the latter shifted on his legs again turning his eyes away from the older.

"I am sorry but I'd a heard a bit of your conversation back in the coffee shop. I did not want to, but I was sitting too close. I should've left sooner but I knew you would see me and I thought you would feel uncomfortable," Namjoon rambled on, so fast that it took the other a moment to take it all in.

But when he did, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.

"I... at the end, you saw me anyway while I was leaving," the brunette stammered out, his eyes darting to Jin for a second before tearing the gaze apart.

Jin felt the tremor inside of him. As if he had not felt caged most of his life, now he felt like he was trapped underneath the gravel of the road and there was no scope to breathe.

It was his first time coming out to someone other than August, albeit accidentally. Jin felt like his world had fallen apart. If this got out, if his parents knew, if anyone knew-

He could not even think anymore, swallowing hard he bit on his lower lip hoping this was all just a nightmare. There really was nothing to do for him, he could not even feel the shaken soul inside of him get infuriated as it had with Taehyung. Jin knew he was done for.

"I know this is not my place to tell and I cannot make any assumptions either-" Jin heard Namjoon say with confusion draped in his voice but Jin could not look up to see his expression.

Was Namjoon disgusted by him? Disturbed at least, to some extent?

But Namjoon's tone when he said the next words were so calm that Jin had to face the boy in the padded green jacket and baseball cap on his head.

"There is nothing wrong in liking a person of the same gender. It's you and it's a part of your identity, your sexuality that is. And no one should judge you by that or any of your choices of liking. It's who you are. I'm sorry if anyone ever made you feel there was something wrong with being you. Not that I'm saying someone actually did."

It was dark now, the purple sky had turned into blue and so did Jin's face. Yet for some reasons, Jin's heart felt warm, as if the purple was still laced to him.

The air whispered around them and Jin could finally breathe, he felt like he finally could. His eyes stung and he held his head low, "thanks," that's all he could mutter.

Namjoon face was almost invisible, Jin could not tell if it was because of the darkness surrounding them or for his blurry vision.

Then he suddenly had a thought that he hardly knew anything about Namjoon, even after spending three years in the very room next to his.

"I'll keep it from the others," the brunette whispered with the wind before replacing the book in his hand to his other again. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the library." Sheepishly he rubbed his neck. "See you later in the dorm."

Jin nodded again, with that the streetlights lit up. Jin stared until Namjoon's back disappeared at the corner of the street and then he let out another breath as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

He put his hand close to his view and stared at the sleeve, darker than the evening.

The only color he had been associating himself with for almost a decade now.

Jin knew what he wanted to do next.

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A/n: please read every chapter carefully. If you skip through the paragraphs you'll miss important details.

I'm sometimes putting things about the other characters too in between the lines. If you skim over em you'll struggle when their arcs come.

(Why do I sound so intimidating omg)