Young and Free | BTS [√]

ni ju go

Hoseok dreaded to wake up the next day and get himself moving. He'd rather isolate himself for the next few days, or maybe, longer and live in his own bubble.

He knew how that would be like, if he really tried that. He would want to live in that shell of his forever. Being disappointed in himself had happened way too many times in his little life and he'd given up on way too many things he used to enjoy once because of this. Dancing was one of them.

Hoseok felt his eyebrows furrow, why did he remember his past passion for dancing. He gave up on that hobby years ago. Disappointment also often brought back hidden memories that were concealed deep in somewhere.

Now Hoseok was feeling this sudden surge of emotion deeply. His mood was in the opposite end again, he could feel the dark aura sitting on his shoulders. In short, Hoseok felt like crap.

He couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why he felt like this. Obviously what he had done yesterday to Hyungwon in front of Serim played a big part in this solemnity. But Hoseok knew it was more than that.

One thread of emotion pulled on many strings and now Hoseok was buried deep within his own morbid thoughts.

This wasn't anything new. Hoseok was capricious, very very capricious. To the point it wasn't normal. To the point one couldn't just label it as, hey I might be just feeble, or I have anger within myself and can't manage it.

That wasn't Hoseok's case. It wasn't just anger, it was all kinds of emotions, scaled from joyful to dejection, he went through it all. Sometimes in a matter of minutes.

Just like how he was feeling grandiose yesterday having lunch with Yoongi, in minutes he had a burst out in his classroom, later in few seconds he just wanted to cry his eyes out, by the time he reached home he was tired and burdened by his thoughts, this morning all he wanted to do was sit still and push away the thoughts that were killing him.

Thoughts that whispered close to his ear to just bang his head against the wall. Or hurt someone else, no, why was he thinking that, how could he.

Hoseok was a monster, he really felt like one, and he shivered when he realized he was blankly staring at the kitchen knife laying on the counter all this time.

He knew he wouldn't do it, he wouldn't. He knew something was very different with him when he was a teen, he knew his caprice manner was getting out of hand.

He was better now, was he?

"Jungkook isn't here today either and I'm getting a bit worried," Taehyung said as he bit on his apple. Hoseok heard from the side as he was filling up his empty bottle with water. "I would've gone and searched his room already but after whatever happened with Jin hyung I'm never playing detective again."

Jimin giggled a bit. "Maybe he went back to his hometown suddenly. Or maybe he's crashing at his friend's place, who knows? Oh, Hoseok hyung, are you going to campus? Want to go together?"